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Main Archives Stories Category: Blondes

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1
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Colena was telling me about her buddy and *his* girlfriend. 
They were working on a vehicle and using gasoline to clean the 
parts with.  It was a warm day and the gas was sitting in a 
coffee can in the sun and eventually evaporated. Judi 
demanded to know what happened to it. When they told her 
what happened, she asked what eveporation was. So they told 
her it got hot in the sun & made it go away.... Judi's reply... 
"If you put it in the shade, will it come back?"

2
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Greg tells me about his sister-in-law (yet another gorgeous
blonde):  We were playing Trivial Pursuit on night. It was her 
turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature" 
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls 
your name, can you hear it? She thought for a time and then 
asked, "Is it on or off".

3
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IQ wanted me to know there's more than one "Judi" out there.
Her husband's secretary (Edna) one time shredded her (Edna)
own paycheck.  Then she booked her boss on a flight and 
said, "I even got you a window seat because I know how 
you like to smoke."

4
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Some time ago the DJ on radio station WZZO in Allentown, PA
was discussing David Hasselhoff, since there was some news
item about him. He went on to say that he liked the show
"Knight Rider" much better than "Baywatch". He said that
Knight Rider was more realistic, since he could more easily
believe that there was a talking car than that Pamela
Anderson could form coherent sentences on her own. 

5
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Rachel's blonde roommate had to make an emergency phone 
call to home and her pre-paid calling card had expired.  "I 
suggested she call collect.  She picked up the phone, looked 
at me bewildered, and asked, 'What's the number to 1-800-
COLLECT?'"

6
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I am a limo driver and this Judi once, was totally impressed
with the  bar, the interior lights, the mirrored ceiling --
everything in the stretch-limo.  Then she noticed the TV. 
There was a show  she really wanted to see that evening and
asked me in all  seriousness: 'the TV *does* get cable, right?'

7
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As a Viet Nam Vet I was telling the students about an
especially emotional visit to the Viet Nam Memorial in
DC.  A girl raised her hand and asked me if I was able
to find my name on the wall.

8
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Andrea told me that while she was playing cards her friend
called.  Her friend said, "What are ya playing?"  Andrea said,
"Solitaire."  He friend (Judi?) said, "Yeah?  Who are you 
playing with?"

9
Email Friend
 
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an 
hour east of Bakersfield, blonde new to boating was having aproblem.
No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 
22-ft Bayliner to perform.  It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it 
was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power 
she applied.
After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a 
nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong. A thorough 
topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The 
engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the 
correct size and pitch.
So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath.
He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, 
still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.

10
Email Friend
 
One of my friends was dating a blonde girl that wasn't too bright to say
the least.  Often she would come up with the most stupid comments that
at first got us all laughing, but after a while also became a bit
annoying to some. One day we were sitting in a pool hall talking.  The
blonde participated in the discussion, and when she came up with an even
for unusually stupid comment one of my friends couldn't take it anymore.
So he said to her "You must have vacuum in your head". This upset her.
She looked at him for a couple of seconds and replied, "At least it's
better than nothing".

11
Email Friend
 
Blondes Protective Computer Gear

Yesterday I came back to my office from Court. There was a new
secretary (a very attractive blonde) in the office down the hall from
me.

She flagged me down and asked for help. "My floppy drive won't work,
can you help me ?" she asked. I told her I'd take a look and
proceeded over to her machine, where I found shredded up clear
plastic Baggie-like stuff hanging out of her 3.5" floppy drive.

While I spent the next 20 minutes getting out her disk and digging
out the plastic, I noticed two guys, John and Dave, in the hall
trying awfully hard to keep straight faces. Suspecting some mischief,
I asked her how the plastic got into the drive.

"Oh, you mean the condom!", she said. "Condom???", I asked. "Yes,
John & Dave over there told me to always put a condom on my disk
before inserting it, to prevent catching viruses."

By this point, John & Dave were roaring, and it was all I could do to
keep from joining them. The "condom" turned out to be a standard 3.5"
plastic sleeve. I delicately explained to her that a practical joke
had been played, and she shouldn't do that anymore, when she asked
(as serious as one could be), "Does that mean I don't have to stroke
it ten times or blow on it either???"

12
Email Friend
 
New paint store just opened up by my place, so I decided as any 
red-blooded, sexually repressed young lad to pay it a visit. When I went 
in I saw signs all over advertising the newest color: "Natural Blonde". 
There weren't any samples around, so I asked the clerk to describe it to 
me. He replied, "Natural Blonde? Wonderful new paint: not too bright, but 
spreads easily!"

13
Email Friend
 
IDIOTS ON THE ROAD

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe
to cross the street.  I was crossing with an intellectually
challenged coworker of mine(a blonde), when she asked if I knew
what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
She responded, appalled "What on earth are blind people doing
driving?"

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