Think of this guy the next time you think you are having a bad day!
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He
performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to Laughline,
who was sponsoring a "worst job experience" contest. Needless to say,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had
bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work,
so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's
not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with
a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the
bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit.
This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm
is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This
$20,000 piece of shit sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a
delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a
garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a damn
good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do,
when I get to the bottom and start working is, I take the hose and stuff
it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm
water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to
itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.
Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from
back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my
Now since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't
stick to it. However, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate. When I
scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the
jellyfish into my ass.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5
other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted
I was instructed to make 3 agonizing in-water decompression stops
totaling 35 minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber
dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing
but my brass helmet.
As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter
running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub
it on my ass as soon as I get in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for 2 days because my
asshole was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much
worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ass!
Tight lines and calm seas,