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Today's stories [1.20.19]

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I once worked as a contractor in another state, and another 
girl on the team, also a contractor from quite a distance 
away, was constantly ratting out other members of the team 
to the boss, and was snippy and always overreacted to any 
kind of language or inference to any sort of sexual topic.  
She was constantly offended at our frequent joke-telling.
One Friday she was going to drive home - several states 
away -  for the weekend.  Before she left, I stuck a bumper 
sticker on the roof of her car (she was short so couldn't see it 
up there) and the sticker said "I LIKE TO ---- TRUCKERS.  
HONK IF YOU WANT ME TO PULL OVER"  (the blank wasn't 
blank on the sticker). I can only guess what kind of a ride 
home she had.  If she ever even GOT there....


Sent by Jennifer

1. 




My high school friend, Janet, and I roomed together at 
college. We started in the summer as soon as we left 
high school.

She met her husband Leo there in the Fall; he was a 
Junior and we were 18-year-old innocents.  They married 
on New Year's Eve so they could have a few days off 
together from work and school.

New Year's Day afternoon I got a call from her to come 
over quick; they had the flu so bad they couldn't 
get up and were too bashful to call anyone else to help.

For a day or two I repeatedly washed and dryed their 
sheets and jammies and heated up soup and brought them 
juice and kleenex. While they slept I read a book. 

It's really funny now, but it wasn't then.

Two weeks later I met Dale.  On the 3rd of July, Janet 
was maid of honor at our wedding.  

So what I knew about honeymoons was that you eat soup 
and cough and sleep and read a book and take your 
jammies off and on a lot, and sweat and moan and 
somebody gets a headache and you wash and dry the sheets 
a lot and eventually you run out of juice. 

Ours was kind of like that, too.  

ha ha ha ha ha.

p.s.  Happy 50th Birthday, Janet!  We just sent this 
email all over the internet!


Love you both!

Anne and Dale in Orlando


Sent by Anne

2. 




Pfizer Corp. is making the announcement today that VIAGRA will soon 
be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a 
power beverage for use as a mixer.
Pepsi's proposed ad campaign claims: It will now be possible for a 
man to literally pour himself a stiff one.  Obviously we can no
longer call this a soft drink. This additive gives new meaning to
the names of cocktails, highballs, and just a good old fashioned
stiff drink.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of Mount And Do.
Also, something to think about:  the long-term implications of drugs
and medical procedures must be fully considered.  Over the past few
years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than
was spent on Alzheimer's Disease research.  It is believed that by
the year 2030, there will be a large number of people wandering
around with huge breasts and erections who can't remember what to
do with them.

3. 



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