Today's stories [5.24.18]
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The Criminally Stupid Bank Robber
In San Francisco, a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of
America, walked into a local branch and wrote, "this iz a
stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller,
he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and
that they might call the police before he even reached the teller
window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the
Wells Fargo teller. She read it, noticing all of his spelling
errors. She quickly surmised that he wasn't the brightest light
in the harbor.
Then she told him that she could not accept his stickup note
because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that
he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go
back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The Wells
Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few
minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
I suppose some degree of commerce would grind to a halt if telephone
solicitors weren't able to call people at home during dinner hour.
But that doesn't make it any more pleasant.
Now Steve Rubenstein, a writer for the San Francisco Chronicle, has
proposed "Three Little Words" based on his brief experience in a
telemarketing operation that would stop the nuisance for all time. The
three little words are "Hold On, Please."
Saying this while putting down your phone and walking off instead of
hanging up immediately would make each telemarketing call so time-
consuming that boiler rooms would grind to a halt. When you eventually
hear the phone company's beep-beep-beep tone, you know it's time to go
back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task.
This might be one of those articles you'll want to e-mail to your
friends. Three little words that eliminate telephone soliciting.
Volunteer Fire Department
A fire started on some grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire
department from the nearby town was called to put the fire out. The
fire proved to be more than the small town fire department could handle,
so someone suggested that a rural volunteer fire department be called.
Though there was doubt that they would be of any assistance, the call
The volunteer fire department arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck.
They drove straight towards the fire and stopped in the middle of the
flames. The volunteer firemen jumped off the truck and frantically
started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the
center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controllable
The farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department's work
and so grateful that his farm had been spared, that he presented the
volunteer fire department with a check for $1000.
A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the
department planned to do with the funds.
"That should be obvious," he responded, "the first thing we're gonna do
is get the brakes fixed on that stupid fire truck."
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