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Main › Archives › Quotes › Category: Jack Handy
Page 1 (There are 1 pages of quotes in this category.) To go to a different page, click the page nums below.
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| Email Friend | | | When I was a kid, my favourite relative was Uncle Caveman. After
school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in awhile he
would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that
Uncle Caveman was a bear.
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| Email Friend | | | Here's a good joke to do during an earthquake: straddle a big
crack in the ground, and if it opens wider, go "Whoa! Whoa!" and
flail your arms around, like you're going to fall in.
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| Email Friend | | | I saw on this nature show how the male elk douses himself with
urine to smell sweeter to the opposite sex. What a coincidence!
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| Email Friend | | | If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell
him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another
cute thing to tell him is "probably because of something you did."
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| Email Friend | | | When the age of the Vikings came to a close, they must have sensed
it. Probably, they gathered together one evening, slapped each
other on the back and said, "Hey, good job."
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| Email Friend | | | A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite.
Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone.
"Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."
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| Email Friend | | | It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even
bigger man to laugh at that man.
- Jack Handey, Saturday Night Live
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