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	I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. Rita Rudner

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	Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

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	Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana... The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are. --Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22

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	All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. -- Jane Wagner

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	I told my girlfriend last night how much I loved her, and she said that I must have been out drinking again. I asked her why she would say that, and she said, "Because I'm your father." - Dave George

All other nations are drinking Ray Charles
beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow. 

    - Dave Barry 

I believe that sex is the most wonderful and
beautiful thing that money can buy.


    - Steve Martin 

Medicine reports that it has already happened.
A new-born baby laughing like crazy, its hands full of pills.

-Sam Levenson 

Britain is the only country in the world where the
food is more dangerous than the sex.

                                       - - - Jackie Mason

"While I was doing this, a neighbor walked up, and I just want to say that if
 you think it's easy to explain why you're squatting in your driveway, in
 front of a set of burning underwear, surrounded by hair spray bottles,
 holding a Barbie doll in your hand, then you are mistaken."
                        -- Dave Barry