My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child.  We
can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

                                                 -Rita Rudner

"The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 
'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular."

                                                    --Jay Leno

"The president boasted at the top of his press conference that we have 
the support now of Britain and Spain for our attack on Iraq. You know, 
when you want to make it perfectly clear to the world that you're not an 
imperialist, the people you want in your corner are Britain and Spain."

                                                        - Bill Maher

"CBS news anchor Dan Rather has interviewed Iraqi dictator Saddam 
Hussein. When asked what it was like to talk to a crazy man, Saddam 
said, 'It's not so bad.'"

                                        - Conan O'Brien 

"Experts say that if we go to war with Iraq, oil could reach as much
as $80 a barrel. Of course, after the war it will be free."

                                                   - Jay Leno