Jump to Page:  1  2  3  4  5  6  7   [ Other Categories ]

31		Email Friend
	"My dad was always really protective of his tools...well, not THAT tool... O.K., so he was pretty protective of that one too, but I'm talking about the tools that you make stuff with...well, sure, I suppose he DID make _me_ with that particular one, but...OH NEVERMIND. My dad always told me that if some alien came around trying to borrow my phillips screwdriver that I should just stab him/her/it/them with it." -- Lt. Wilkes, my role model

32		Email Friend
	"It is the policy of the Association for the Study of Meats not to engage in discrimination or harassment against any person on the basis of race, color, religion, intelligence, sex, lack thereof, national origin, ancestry, incestry, age, marital status, disability, sexual orientation, unfavorable discharge from the military, other unfavorable discharges, or status as a disabled veteran or veteran of the Vietnam era and to comply with all Federal and State non-discrimination, equal opportunity and affirmative action laws, orders, and regulations. The University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign does not necessarily endorse, recommend, or approve the products and services mentioned on this page. However, the administrators probably eat Spam(tm), so you shouldn't really care what they think. You are dumb. The above statement does not necessarily reflect the views of the Univerity of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign (but you know that's what they think of you).

33		Email Friend
	"In the beginning there was nothing... which exploded." -- The shortened Big Bang theory

34		Email Friend
	a) "Isn't the weather dreadful!" b) "No, thanks." c) "A beer, Charlie. Make it a cold one." d) "Oh, I'm sorry. Was that _your_ child? Please, have her back. Good day! I beg your...? Fuck you too, Madam." e) "Ateh! Malkuth! Ve Gevurah! Ve Gedulah! Le Olahm!!" f) "Please come back, little person! I only playing! Ha! Caught you! Oh. You leaking, person! Wake up! Why you all go sleep? No fun! You people so boring!" -- The Weirdness Test, http://www.math.grin.edu/~hamilton/text/weirdness.txt

35		Email Friend
	"... you never, for instance, hear people say, 'Is that a wad of undiscarded belly button fluff, or are you just glad to see me?'..." -- The Usenet Oracle

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to
       appreciate it. -- Franklin P. Jones

"A bald nun, a gay lawyer, and a Ravenous Bugblatter Beast walk into a
 bar.  The bartender says, 'This has got to be the weirdest joke I've
 ever been in...'"
                        -- Fruvous of FurryMuck, via rec.humor.funny

With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand
   miles closer to globular cluster 13 in the constellation Hercules, and
   still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no
   such thing as progress.
   -- Ransom K. Ferm

Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.

Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.