"Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I
       woke up the pillow was gone." -- Tommy Cooper

"We're standing there pounding a dead parrot on the counter, and
 the management response is to frantically swap in new counters to
 see if that fixes the problem."

-- Peter Gutmann in alt.sysadmin.recovery

I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add. 

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything.
Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. 
Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "Cut it out" 

                            -- Steven Wright

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.