When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. 

     - Henny Youngman 

"A man who won't lie to a woman has very
little consideration for her feelings." 

     - Olin Miller 

I know a mother-in-law who sleeps in her spectacles, the better to see her 
son-in-law suffer in here dreams. 
       - Attributed to Ernest Coquelin 

"I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.
There's a knob called `brightness', but it doesn't work."

                     -- Gallagher -- 

"Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than 
each other."
                     -- Ann Landers --