A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass.
   Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for sixteen hardened
   criminals.
         Ronnie Corbett

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let
   him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence long
   enough to get money from it
         Stephen Leacock

"Sometimes when I'm sitting in my car at a stop light,
I imagine myself as Luke Skywalker, and I close my eyes
and concentrate on using The Force. Sometimes I have to
concentrate longer than others, but I know it works,
'cause the light always turns green." 

     - Troy Peterson 

I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you
   must eat it with naked fat people.
         Ed Bluestone