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Main Archives Quotes Category: Witticisms

Page 38 (There are 40 pages of quotes in this category.) To go to a different page, click the page nums below.

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371
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A lot of people are afraid of heights.
Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

                                    - Steven Wright

372
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I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

                                    - Steven Wright

373
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I spilt spot remover on my dog, now's he gone.

                                      - Steven Wright

374
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I put instant coffee into a microwave oven. I almost went backin time.

                                            - Steven Wright

375
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I have lots of hobbies which I pursue to the fullest.

I have a large sea shell collection which I keep scattered on beaches 
across the world. Maybe you've seen it.

I also collect rare photos. I have a very rare photo of Houdini locking 
his keys in his car.

                                          - Steven Wright

376
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"El Nino taught me that some of the most beautiful things in nature are 
also the most dangerous. Like 30 foot waves, giant thunderstorms, and 
topless blondes driving on rain-soaked highways." 

                                             - Mark Schmidt

377
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"If I had a dollar for every casino in the world, I'd probably lose it 
all gambling." 

- Paul Bartunek

378
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A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could only have one 
book, what would it be?

I always say How to Build a Boat 

                                             - Steven Wright

379
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"We are an impossibility in an impossible universe." 

                                     - Ray Bradbury

380
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"I'm worried that the universe will soon need replacing. It's not holding 
a charge." 

                                        - Edward Chilton

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