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Main › Archives › Quotes › Category: Witticisms
Page 32 (There are 40 pages of quotes in this category.) To go to a different page, click the page nums below.
| 311 |
| Email Friend | | | "If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all."
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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| 312 |
| Email Friend | | | Guns don't kill people, husbands who come
home early kill people."
-- Jimmy Kimmel
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| 313 |
| Email Friend | | | If you're sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
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| 314 |
| Email Friend | | | "I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day.
At my age I have to hold on to something."
George Burns.
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| 315 |
| Email Friend | | | "Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?'
Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' "
Charlie Brown.
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| 316 |
| Email Friend | | | "Maybe there is no actual place called hell.
Maybe hell is just having to listen to our
grandparents breathe through their noses when
they're eating sandwiches."
Jim Carey.
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| 317 |
| Email Friend | | | "When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying
and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself."
Peter O'Toole.
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| 318 |
| Email Friend | | | "In Russia we only had two TV channels.
Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two
consisted of a KGB officer telling you:
Turn back at once to Channel One."
Yakov Smirnoff.
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| 319 |
| Email Friend | | | "I grew up with six brothers.
That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom."
Bob Hope.
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| 320 |
| Email Friend | | | "I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit."
Mel Brooks.
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