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Main › Archives › Quotes › Category: Witticisms
Page 31 (There are 40 pages of quotes in this category.) To go to a different page, click the page nums below.
| 301 |
| Email Friend | | | Rain - something that, when you take an umbrella, it
doesn't.
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| 302 |
| Email Friend | | | I was born on the first of the month so they called me
"Bill."
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| 303 |
| Email Friend | | | He is so polite, he wouldn't open an oyster without
knocking on the shell first.
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| 304 |
| Email Friend | | | A bath is something you take when you find yourself in
hot water.
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| 305 |
| Email Friend | | | We have an automatic air-conditioner. Everytime the
weather gets very hot it automatically breaks down.
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| 306 |
| Email Friend | | | Antiques are things one generation buys, the next
generation gets rid off, and the following generation
buys again.
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| 307 |
| Email Friend | | | "I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked
if I had any questions. I said yes, just one, if you're
in a car traveling at the speed of light and you turn
your headlights on, does anything happen? He said he
couldn't answer that. I told him sorry, but I couldn't
work for him then."
- Steven Wright
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| 308 |
| Email Friend | | | Every time I find out the meaning of life, they change it.
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| 309 |
| Email Friend | | | Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have
to alter it every six months."
-- Oscar Wilde
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| 310 |
| Email Friend | | | My mother didn't breast-feed me. She said she liked me as a friend.
---Rodney Dangerfield
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