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Main Archives Quotes Category: Witticisms

Page 11 (There are 40 pages of quotes in this category.) To go to a different page, click the page nums below.

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101
Email Friend
 
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.


102
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"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade
 another country."
                        -- Elayne Boosler


103
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"Has someone told you you need to be more assertive Janet?"
"Shut up."
                        -- Adrian, Janet


104
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"I remember the last thing my grandfather said to me... in fact the last
 thing he ever said... he said 'Paul, give me back my pills'..."
                        -- Paul McDermott, DAAS "Dead and Alive"


105
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"... and 9% of people said that they were a small orange cube of wood, and
 that they fully supported the Government's view on education..."
                        -- Alexei Sayle, "Alexei Sayle's Stuff"


106
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"Alas poor Yorric, I smurfed him Horatio..."
                        -- Heath Copeland (there's a _lot_ more where that
                                                came from...)


107
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"My dad was always really protective of his tools...well, not THAT tool...
 O.K., so he was pretty protective of that one too, but I'm talking about
 the tools that you make stuff with...well, sure, I suppose he DID make
 _me_ with that particular one, but...OH NEVERMIND.  My dad always told me
 that if some alien came around trying to borrow my phillips screwdriver
 that I should just stab him/her/it/them with it."
                        -- Lt. Wilkes, my role model


108
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"It is the policy of the Association for the Study of Meats not to engage
 in discrimination or harassment against any person on the basis of race,
 color, religion, intelligence, sex, lack thereof, national origin, ancestry,
 incestry, age, marital status, disability, sexual orientation, unfavorable
 discharge from the military, other unfavorable discharges, or status as a
 disabled veteran or veteran of the Vietnam era and to comply with all Federal
 and State non-discrimination, equal opportunity and affirmative action laws,
 orders, and regulations.

 The University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign does not necessarily endorse,
 recommend, or approve the products and services mentioned on this page.
 However, the administrators probably eat Spam(tm), so you shouldn't really
 care what they think.

 You are dumb.

 The above statement does not necessarily reflect the views of the Univerity
 of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign (but you know that's what they think of you).


109
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"I'd love to go out with you but I've got a Friends of the Lowly Rutabaga
 meeting..."
                        -- fortune


110
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"It looks like blind screaming hedonism won out."
                        -- the most appropriate fortune quote I've ever got


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