"I can fit the whole thing in my mouth, but I can't blow it while it's in
 there..."
                        -- Sarah O'Brien, in reference to her pitch pipe

"That post-coital glue..."
                        -- Sarah O'Brien

"It smells like a technicolour yawn..."
"Tastes like it too."
                        -- Andrew, and then me, after I sculled it

"I just played two games of tetris in parallel... I won..."
                        -- Adrian

"Sleep is for wimps. Happy, healthy, well-rested wimps, but wimps nonetheless"
                        -- Gary "Wolf" Barnes, in alt.sysadmin.recovery

"In the heat of battle, tantric magic is fun, but highly ineffective."
                        -- Anonymous

"No, the best way to prepare is to write programs, and to study great
 programs that other people have written.  In my case, I went to the garbage
 cans at the Computer Science Center and I fished out listings of their
 operating system."
                        -- Bill Gates

"Why could you possibly be interested in the bestiality one if it doesn't
 turn you on?"
"Well why are you interested in the spanking one?"
"Because it _does_ turn me on..."
                        -- Janet Robertson, Karen, Janet

"I'm tired, my eczema is making life damn uncomfortable, I've just been
 rejected by two women in one day and I can't find my copy of Undertow."
                        -- me (Bad hair day. Or Something.)

"Microsoft: One OS to rule them all, One OS to find them, One OS to bring them
 all and in the darkness bind them."
                        -- s. keeling, from alt.sysadmin.recovery

"I almost stepped on your dog last night."
"Where was it?"
"Under my foot."
                        -- Angela Randall, Rachael, Angela

"Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted"

"Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents"

"As a computing professional, I believe it would be unethical for me to
 advise, recommend, or support the use (save possibly for personal amusement)
 of any product that is or depends on any Microsoft product."
                        -- David H. Wolfskill, in alt.sysadmin.recovery

"In the beginning the world was without form, and void. And God said
 'Let there be light'. And God separated the light from the dark.
 And did two loads of laundry."
                        -- Kevin Krisciunas, in rec.humor.funny

"Why is the sky blue?"
"It's a fault in the universe's ray tracing algorithm."
                        -- me, AndrewR

"...
 I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,
 I know you'll be a sun in someone else's sky,
 But why can't it be mine?"
                        -- Pearl Jam, "Black"
                                (Ok, so it's sickening. Sue me.)

"You don't change the way people think by changing what they say. You
 change the way people think with HEADLESS CHARRED BODIES FLYING THROUGH
 THE AIR. BLOOD! FLAMES! HELLFIRE AND DAMNATION!"
                        -- Alastair J. R. Young

"Game over boys!"
                        -- Mr. Flibble

"Television is a medium.
 Proof:
        a) Television is not rare.
        b) Television is not well done.
 QED"
                        -- Robert Bonomi