* Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your
       triumphs or how tragic your defeats---approximately one billion
       Chinese couldn't care less.

     * Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather
       straps. -- Emo Phillips

     * My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. --
       Ashleigh Brilliant

     * Her kisses left something to be desired -- the rest of her.

"If you think C++ is not overly complicated, just what is a protected
 abstract virtual base pure virtual private destructor, and when was the
 last time you needed one?"

-- Tom Cargil, C++ Journal

Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing
worse will happen to you the rest of the day. 

"SPAM CHEESECAKE?!?!?!?"

-- Brian Kantor in alt.sysadmin.recovery

"'Tron', the first 'Babylon 5' movie."

-- James "Kibo" Parry

Everywhere children are schooled to become masters at
answering questions and to remain novices at asking
them. (Dillon, 1988) 

"Hugh Falk currently owns a TRS-80, TI 99/4A, Apple IIc, Vic-20, C-64,
 SX-64, Atari ST, Commodore Amiga, two networked PCs, and several old game
 systems. His goal is to someday load them all into a balloon and use the
 heat they generate to circle the globe."

-- www.gamecenter.com

Examine what is said, not who speaks.

(Arabian Proverb)

"Any attempt to brew coffee with a teapot should result in the error code
 "418 I'm a teapot". The resulting entity body MAY be short and stout."

-- HTCPCP Spec, RFC 2324

That's the trouble with engineers;
They're always trying to change things.

     - Dr. McCoy, Star Trek: the Motionless Picture 

"Fifth Law of Applied Terror:
 If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
 Corollary:
 If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live."

-- Unknown

"Mr. Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi."

The man who fears no truths has nothing to fear from lies. 

     - Thomas Jefferson 

"Nothing screams 'MOCK ME!  MOCK ME!' like posting your entire grocery list
 (with the rationale for each piece of candy) to a science newsgroup."

-- James "Kibo" Parry

Pay attention to your enemies. They are the first to discover your mistakes. 

     - Antisthenes 

     * Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you
       think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
         1. Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
         2. Advising the President.
         3. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
       --David Letterman

     * Old Yiddish proverb: "If triangles had a God, He'd have three
       sides."