"... you know Ross, looking at you here... like this... legs akimbo...
 I could _GO_ for you mate... I reckon you're bloody _gorgeous_..."
                        -- Flacco, DAAS Kapital

"*slap*"
"When she does that you're meant to say 'harder'..."
"Harder... but only if she ties me up..."
                        -- Debra Langeluddecke, me, Richard White

"If infinite rednecks fired infinite shotguns at an infinite number of road
 signs, they'd eventually create all the great literary works of the world in
 braille."
                        -- Discordian Quote File

"A girl and a boy bump into each other - surely an accident.
 A girl and a boy bump and her handkerchief drops - surely another accident.
 But when a girl gives a boy a dead squid - _that had to mean something_."
                        -- S. Morganstern, "The Silent Gondoliers"

"You're not playing klondike again are you?"
"No, it's a hallucination."
"Oh, ok. Put the 8 on the 9."
                        -- Ben Salmon, me, Ben

   Calvin and Hobbes (Bill Watterson) - "The surest sign that
           intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that
           it has never tried to contact us."

     * A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

     * The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain,
       involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The
       hypothalamus controls the "Four F's":
         1. fighting
         2. fleeing
         3. feeding
         4. mating
            -- Psychology professor in neuropsychology intro course

"I don't have anything against geeks. I was one for 11 years! I used to
 think PC's were the greatest thing since sliced bread... Then someone
 showed me sliced bread."

-- Unknown, from Charles Seggelin's 1996 Quote Book,

"Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman
 she meets and then teams up with three complete stangers to kill again."

-- TV listing for the movie, The Wizard of Oz,
in the Marin Paper.

"Its a far far better thing I do than to require that you find me a hammer
 and pummel me with all due diligence, but yet remember that it is I, your
 solicitor, who keeps you from aligning too much with the listerine salesman."

-- The Surrealist Compliment Generator,

"... O/S wars are almost always fought solely by soldiers unfamiliar with
 the territory."

-- Lon Stowell in alt.folklore.computers

"In a grudge match between Hanson and the Spice Girls, who would win?"
"Humankind."

-- J. Random Supplicant, The Internet Oracle

"Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of
 ascension."

-- In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers

"I had the GUTS to mock the Turner Diaries and take a stand against racism!
 Not for any high-falutin' moral princicples, you understand, just because
 racist propaganda is FUNNY!"

-- James "Kibo" Parry

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 

Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.

                 (Anamaniacs) 

     * Slogan of 105.9, the classic rock radio station in Chicago: "Of
       all the radio stations in Chicago...we're one of them."

     * Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to
       pound in the correct screw.

     * When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.