"Sometimes when I'm sitting in my car at a stop light,
I imagine myself as Luke Skywalker, and I close my eyes
and concentrate on using The Force. Sometimes I have to
concentrate longer than others, but I know it works,
'cause the light always turns green." 

     - Troy Peterson 

"Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so." 

     - Bertrand Russell 

   
   Under a sign that said "Employees Must Wash Hands," someone scribbled:
   I waited and waited, but I finally washed them myself.


  

Never kick a fresh cow pie on a hot day. 

     - Harry S. Truman

Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear.
It annoys them very much. 

     - G.K. Chesterton

Never murder a man when he's busy committing suicide. 

     - Woodrow Wilson

   
   Fart loud if you love Jesus!


  

   
   (written above a urinal)
   Why are you looking up here?
   Are you ashamed of it?


  

   
   Some people come here to take a shit, I come here to leave one.


  

   
   Don't look now!
   You're pissing on your neighbors foot!


  

You know you're getting old when you can't tell
the difference between a heart attack and an orgasm. 

Girls, just to let you know...
if you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. 

Virginity can be cured. 

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.  I think I've
forgotten this before.


  

'Socialism is when man exploits man, Capitalism is the reverse' 

Polish Proverb

'Lord Birkenhead is very clever, but sometimes his brains 
go to his head'

Margot Asquith

'Vote for the man who promises least; he'll be least disappointing'

'Martyrdom is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability'

George Bernard Shaw

'When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason - there's a reason'

Molly McGee

'Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice Doggie!' till you can find a rock'

Wynn Catlin