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Today's quotes [7.19.18]

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Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to
       calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the
       doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you
       know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife
       stuck in the side of its head with a note that says "You." After
       that, I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.


1. 




I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries."
   Thegirl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"
         Jay Leno


2. 




If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He like
       enchiladas, because that's what He's getting!


3. 




I don't jog, it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

4. 




Advocates of capitalism are very apt to appeal to the sacred
princples of liberty, which are embodied in one maxim: The
fortunate must not be restrained in the exercise of tyranny
over the unfortunate. 

    - Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) 

5. 



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