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The Shit List
1. Ghost Shit: The kind where you feel shit come out but there is no shit
in the toilet.
2. Clean Shit: The kind where you shit it out, see it, but there is
nothing on the toilet paper.
3. Wet Shit: The kind where you wipe your butt at least 90 times and it
feels unwiped so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt
and your underwear so you won't ruin your pants.
4. Second Wave Shit: It happens when you're done shitting and you've
pulled your pants up to your knees and you realize you have to shit
5. Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Head Shit: The kind where you strain so much to get
the shit out you practically have a stroke.
6. Richard Simmons Shit: You shit so much you lose 30 pounds.
7. Lincoln Log Shit: The kind of shit that is so huge that you are afraid
to flush the toilet without breaking it into little pieces with the
8. Gassy Shit: It's noisy; everyone within earshot is giggling.
9. Drinker Shit: The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night
of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread marks on the
bottom of the toilet.
10. Corn Shit: Self-explanatory.
11. Gee I Wish I Could Shit Shit: It's the kind where you want to shit but
all you do is sit on the toilet, cramped, and fart a few times.
12. Spinal Tap Shit: That's where it hurts so bad coming out you'd swear it
was leaving sideways.
13. Wet Cheeks Shit (The Power Dump): The kind that comes out of your rear
end so fast, your cheeks get splashed with water.
14. Liquid Shit: The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out and
splatters all over the toilet bowl.
15. Mexican Food Shit: It smells so bad the room must be condemned.
16. Upperclass Shit: The kind of shit that doesn't smell.
17. Fisherman's Bobber Shit: That's the kind where you are in a public
restroom, there are two people waiting on your stall; you shit and
flush two times but several golf ball size pieces are still floating
above the water line.
18. Ambush Shit: This kind never occurs at home but usually at a party or
while playing golf. It is the result of trying to fart just a
little, but you end up with trouser chili and you walk bow-legged for
the rest of the day.
19. Santa Clause Shit: A shit that is so big, you have no idea how it made
it down the drain after flushing.
20. Stalactite Shit: A shit that gets stuck and hangs from your butt for a moment.
21. Deja Vu Shit: When you could swear you've taken the exact same shit before.
22. Five Alarm Shit: Your asshole burns so bad you think it's on fire.
Usually after eating really spicy chili or other spicy food.
23. False Alarm Shit: After a really big fart you think you might have
shit yourself, but you didn't.
24. Titanic Shit: The tip of the shit is visible above the water line.
25. Rainbow Shit: The kind of shit that is at least 7 different colors.
26. Gangster Shit: A shit that sounds like an automatic weapon is being
fired in the toilet.
27. Gold Medal Shit: A shit you work so hard to get out that you just have to
tell a friend about it.
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