1. CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.


2. CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.


3. BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a
financial genius.


4. BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance the wife gets no
jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.


5. VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.


6. P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps
crashing.


7. BROKER -- What my broker has made me.


8. STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.


9. STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.


10. STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between
themselves.

11. FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.


12. MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.


13. CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.


14. YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.


15. WINDOWS  -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per
share.


16. INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Last year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.


17. PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.