1. Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night...  One was assaulted.


2. A termite walks into a bar room and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"


3. "Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud."
"Yes sir, it's fresh ground."


4. What's brown and sticky?  A stick.


5. Why are proctologists so gloomy?
They always have the end in sight.


6. What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
Roamin' Catholic.


7. What did the apple say to the orange?
Nothing stupid, apples don't talk.


8. What do you do with a dog that has no legs?
Take him out for a drag.


9. Why can't a chicken coop have more than 2 doors?
Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.


10. Famous last words of a mafia hitman: "Who put the violin in the violin case?"

11. How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?


12. What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Robin, get in the car.


13. What's brown and sounds like a bell?  Dung.


14. What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A private tutor.


15. What do you call spending the afternoon with a cranky rabbit?
A bad hare day.


16. Have you ever seen an elephant hiding behind a flower?
That's because he hides well.


17. What was the centerpiece of the annual
Anorexia and Bulimnia sufferers convention?
A cake jumping out of a girl.


18. Where do kings keep their armies?
In their sleevies.


19. Why don't anteaters get sick?
Because they're full of anty-bodies.