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Today's jokes [7.22.19]

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A Kentucky teacher was quizzing her students. "Johnny, who  signed the

Declaration of Independence?"  He said, "Damn if I know."  She was a little

put out by his swearing, so she told him  to go home and to bring his

father with him when he came back. Next day, the father came with his son,

sat in the back of  the room to observe.  She started back in on her quiz

and finally got back to the boy. "Now, Johnny, I'll ask you again. Who

signed the Declaration of Independence?" "Well, hell, teacher," Johnny

said, "I told you I didn't  know." The father jumped up in the back,

pointed a stern finger at  his son, and said, "Johnny, if you signed that

damn thing, hell, you damn well better admit it!"

Sent by Kelly

1. 




Why didnt NASA send a woman to the moon yet?

Because it does not need to be cleaned!

2. 




   I was out with one of my best drinking buddies, George, and he was
   talking about marriage, and then his wife. He drank some, then said,
   "Well, what it comes down to Jimmy, is...   well...   my wife knows
   nothing of my wants and needs...   she's hardly ever in the mood for
   sex...   I guess what it comes down to is that my wife just doesn't
   understand me at all, does yours ?"
   
   I thought about it a minute or two, then said. "I don't think so
   George, as a matter of fact, I don't recall her ever even mentioning
   your name at all."


3. 




WE DON'T SERVE WOMEN HERE!
(you have to bring your own) 

4. 




   The three dwarves were in rome and went to the nearest nunnery. They
   got to talk to the
   mother superior.
   "Excuse us, but can you tell us where the dwarf nuns are?"
   "Sorry", she replies, "but there are no dwarf nuns here".
   "Well, are there any in the city?".
   "No, there are no dwarf nuns".
   "What, none anywhere in Europe?"
   "No, little man". "None in the entire world". "Take my word for it".
   At this 6 of the seven dwarves burst out laughing.
   The Mother Superior asks "What's so funny?". "Dopey just fucked a
   penguin".
   


5. 



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