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Today's jokes [1.20.19]

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The State of Florida had a problem. The drug bust over the years had filled
their storage areas with Marijuana. It was decided  the only option was to
burn all of the Marijuana on hand. The eventful day a huge mound of Marijuana 
was torched. The fire raged and the smoke of the weed raised in a large cloud. 
At this time a flock of Tern's flew through this cloud.
A group of forest rangers (aka Their environmental watch dogs) were sent out
to assure the well-being of the Terns . They followed this flock until they
finally landed. The rangers sneaking upon the terns were able to observe and
issue a report that read:  Not a Tern was left unstoned.



1. 




Some of the most tactful people on Earth are English.  One 
office supervisor called a secretary in to give her the bad news 
that she was being fired.  He started the conversation with: 
"Miss Symthe, I really don't know how we're going to get along 
without you, but starting Monday, we're going to try.

2. 




Hungry Snake 


Having arived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon 
realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he
happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a 
worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him 
of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no 
lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer
down his throat and went about his fishing. 


An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pantleg. 
Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms 
in his mouth... 



3. 




What does an elephant use as a vibrator? 

     An epilectic. 

4. 




 pregnant women were waiting in the doctor's waiting room for an antenatal
check-up and were all knitting garments for there respective babies.
Suddnely the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch, 
pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one...
"What was that?", the other two ask, curiously.
"Calcium tablet. Good for mommy, good for little baby", she replies, patting
her stomach affectionately.
Satisfied, all 3 continue with their knitting...
5 minutes later, the second one stops knitting, checks her watch, takes a
bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one..
"What was that?", the other two enquire
"Vitamin tablet", she replies, "Good for mommy, good for little baby" and
she pats her stomach affectionately.
All 3 smile and continue busily with their knitting...
5 minutes later, the last woman stops knitting, checks her watch, takes a
bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one..
"What was that?" ask the other two..
"Thalidomide. I can't knit sleeves..."



5. 



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