Today's jokes [11.13.18]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
Q: Why are brides dressed in white?
A: So they match the rest of the appliances.
Two young girls were talking about their sex lives when the first girl
says, "Oh my god! , it was really great, but I was Sooo scared after his
I didn't get a good night's sleep for a week."
"What happened." Says her intrigued friend.
"I didn't know what I was going to do, but I was finally able to get the
last little piece of it out with dental floss."
One day shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go
out to do some errands. So the proud papa stayed home to watch his
wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry.
The father did everything he could think of to do but the baby wouldn't
stop crying. Finally, the dad got so worried he decided to take the
infant to the doctor. After the doctor listened to the father all that
he had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine
the baby's ears, chest and then down to the diaper area. When he undid
the diaper, he finds that the diaper is indeed full. "Here's the
problem", the Dr. says. "He needs a change." The father is very
perplexed, " But the diaper package says it is good for up to 10 lbs!"
A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the
ship after a big night
ashore. As they climbed the gangway the captain threw up all over
himself. Pointing to an
apprentice seaman above him he shouted, "Give that man five days in
the brig for vomiting
The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that
the young seaman
had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why.
"Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he`d also shit in
"Johnny, where's your homework?" Miss Martin said sternly to the little
boy while holding out her hand. "My dog ate it," was his solemn response.
"Johnny, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me
to believe that?" "It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny. "I
had to force him, but he ate it!"
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30