Today's jokes [11.20.09]

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How are men like UFOs?

You don't know where they come from, what their mission is,
or what time they're going to take off.

A woman goes into a bar and orders a beer. She grabs the beer and tips it 
down the back of her skirt. The barman looks amazed as she orders another 
and again tips it down her skirt.
Finally, the barman says: "Why are you tipping your drinks down your 
skirt?"
"Well," the chick replies, "I've just won the lottery and this is the only 
arsehole I'm shouting!"

What do you get when you cross a blonde with an ape?

A retarded ape.

Why are the N.Y. Giants like a tampon?

They're only good for one period and have no second string.

"Will the father be present during the birth?"
asked the obstetrician.
"Nah," replied the mother-to-be,
"He and my husband don't get along."

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