Today's jokes [9.16.19]
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Three Republicans walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "We don't serve Republicans here."
The Republicans say, "That's OK...We don't serve you either.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE STANDING ON HER HEAD?
A BRUNETTE WITH BAD BREATH!
Sent by ÇãM
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall
that says, "$500 if we fail to fill your order."
When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly
writes down his order and walks into the kitchen. Almost immediately he
hears an explosion of voices.
The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen and up to the
customer's table. He slaps down five $100 bills in front of the man.
"You got me this time, buddy," he says, "but I want you to know this --
that's the first time in 10 years we've been out of rye bread."
This man was having problems getting it up to have sex with his wife,
so he went to the
doctor for advice. The doctor told him the next time he wanted to have
sex, to stick his
finger in his wife's pussy, and then rub it under his nose, and the
smell would cause his
hormones to kick in, and he would obtain an erection. That night, he
decided to make his
move. He turned out all the lights and got into bed. He put his finger
in her pussy, and then
rubbed it under his nose. He felt a tingling in his cock, and it began
to stiffen. Amazed, he
decided to see what would happen if he used two fingers. He stuck them
in her pussy, then
rubbed them both under his nose, and his cock quickly jumped to 3/4
erect. He decided to
try 3 fingers, so he put them in her pussy, then rubbed them all
around under his nose.
Soon he was sporting the biggest hard on he could remember. He said,
turn on the lights, and check this out!" She turned on the lights, and
with his dick standing
tall, he proudly asked, "What do you think?" She looked at him and
said, "Looks like the
worst nose bleed I've ever seen!"
This rich couple were going out for the evening when the woman of the
house decided to
give the butler the rest of the night off. She said they would be home
very late and he
should just enjoy his night. Well, as it turned out the wife wasn't
having a good time at the
party, and came home early.As she walks into the house she sees Jeeves
sitting by himself
in the dining room. She calls for him to follow her. She leads him
into the master bedroom,
where she closes and locks the door. She looks at him and smiles.
"Jeeves. Take off
my dress." He does this carefully. "Jeeves. Take off my stockings and
silently obeys her. "Jeeves. Remove my bra and panties." As he does
this, the tension
continues to mount. She looks at him. "Jeeves. If I ever catch you
wearing my clothes
again, you're fired!"
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