Have you heard about the new Mechanical Whore?

    -She gives a licking and keeps on ticking. 

Q. Why does Mary Lou Retton smile so much?

A. Because she found out what the big boys eat. 

 year old man comes to his doctor looking depressed.
He says "Doc, I think I'm impotent." Doctor sits him
down and begins the standard speech he gives to senior
citizens, about how as the body ages bodily functions
slow down and it is completely normal to suffer some
decrease in sexual desire. How the man shouldn't worry
or become upset about it, but should just relax and
things will probably be completely fine and
blah blah blah. Finally the doctor asks "When
did you first begin to think you were impotent?"

"Three times last night, and again this morning." 

On a very cold night, a young man dropped into the local
brothel and the madam said, "You'll have to wait."
"But there's lots of girls that aren't busy right now."
"Yes, but several of the rooms are closed for repairs."
"Listen, I'm pretty desperate. I don't need a room."
So she takes his money and he goes upstairs with one of
the staff and, after looking for a place to consummate
the transaction, they decide to do it on the roof. But
it's a very cold night, and they freeze to death and
fall to the sidewalk. A passing drunk looks them over,
staggers to the door, and knocks.

"Go away!" says the madam. "We don't allow drunks in here!"

"I don't want in," says the drunk. "I just wanted to tell
you that your sign fell down." 

Did you hear about the woman who only had two chances to get pregnant?

    -She blew them both... 

Two GI's in the Vietnam war have been stuck in a trench 

for three days when one needs a shit.

"I can't go in here" he says" It's really going to stink"

"There's another trench over there" says the other.

"I'll cover you with the M60.... just give me a shout and

and i'll cover you so you can get back"

"OK"  so the GI runs across while the other fires off the

machine gun.

He's waiting 10 minutes......15.......20....

he shouts out "Are you Ok?".....nothing.



Over an hour later he hears his mate shouting.

"Cover me i`m coming back"

When he jumps back in, his mate says "Where the fuck have 

you been? you've been gone for over an hour"

"Yeah, I know. There's a girl in there, I played with her 

tits,fondled her arse,turned her round and fucked her from

behind!"

"It was great!"

"You lucky Bastard" said the other "did you get a blow job?"  

"nah" said the other,disappointedly" she didn't have a head"

Send by Rob Rowell

How do you make love to a fat girl?

Roll her in flour and go for the wet spot. 

When you go to the hospital how do you find the head nurse? 

Look for the nurse with dirty knees and swollen lips! 

What's the best thing about a blow job? 

- The 15 minutes of silence! 

It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president
had finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back of
his leather couch and allow him to have sex with her that way.

"And just where have you been until this hour?" demanded his
wife, when the wayward husband finally arrived home.

"Down at the office," he replied, "working like a dog." 

What do people do for fun on Halloween? 

They monsterbate

A young couple were married and celebrated their first night
together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all
night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the
bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower.
He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When
she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing
his body for the first time to his bride.

Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped
and stared and she asked shyly, "What's that?" pointing to a small
part of his anatomy.

He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, "Well, that's
what we had so much fun with last night."

And she, in amazement, asked, "Is that all we have left?" 

An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair 
of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said, 
"But you just got a new pair last month!"
"Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b..broken in an accident," 
stammered the private.
"Accident, what kind of an accident?" The Captain looked in his 
book of Accident definitions and glossaries, "Road-march 
accident, Firing Range accident, PT accident, Drill accident?"
"No, no nothing of those..." said the private.
"Well then, what is it?"
"I'd rather not tell you sir..."
"Well, no satisfactory explanations, no new glasses," said the 
medical officer, ready to stand up, "I've to see my patients 
now." 
"No, no sir wait, I broke them when I was kissing my girl," 
blurted the private.
"Don't be daft man, how could you break your glasses kissing 
a girl?"
"You see, she crossed her legs....."

A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage 
counselor. The counselor asks the wife about the problem. She 
responds, "My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."

The counselor turns to her husband and inquires "Is that true?" 
The husband replies "Well not exactly, she's the one that 
suffers, not me."

This guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hooker 
says, "Say, wanna have a good time? We do things in a big 
way down here in Texas."
"Sure," he says and they were off to the nearest motel. She 
takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her.
She says, "Is this the first pussy you seen since you crawled 
out of one?"
The guy says, "No, just the first one I've seen big enough to 
crawl back into."