Two old friends from the mountains ran into each other at the
local bar. One said, "Heard ya went to the big city Jeb." His
friend replied, "Yep. Even tried me out one of those 'loose
women' ya always hear about." "You don't say." said the first
man. "Bet that was costly." "Nope." Jeb smirked. "Kinfolk."at the
local bar. One said, "Heard ya went to the big city Jeb." His
friend replied, "Yep. Even tried me out one of those 'loose
women' ya always hear about." "You don't say." said the first
man. "Bet that was costly." "Nope." Jeb smirked. "Kinfolk."

After their love-making session the young bride asks her husband "Was
making love to me really the same as making love to Marilyn Monroe?"
"Yes, she's dead to!""Was making love to me really the same as making
love to Marilyn Monroe?"

"Yes, she's dead to!"

Way down in the deep south, in an area known as the 'Bible Belt,'
there lived a Baptist minister with a very large congregation.  One
morning, after a particularly moving sermon, he announced, "Friends I
have been hearing very nasty rumors!"

The crowd fell into an expectant silence.  The Minister continued,
"One of you, here among us, has been reporting that I am a member of
the dreaded 'Klu Klux Klan.'  This, of course, is not true!  I am
asking that the guilty party confess and apologize now - right  here
- before my flock of loyal followers."

A young woman quickly stood up blushing and trembling and pled,
"Preacher, please, I don't know how this all came to be.  I just
mentioned to one of my close friends that you were a wizard under
the sheets."

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife
one Friday evening and read's: Dear Wife (that's what
he called her) I am 54 and by the time you receive this
letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful
and sexy 18 year old secretary. When he arrived at the
hotel there was a letter waiting for him as follows:
Dear Husband (that's what she called him) I too am 54
and by the time you receive this letter I will be at
the Hilton Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year
old toy boy. You being an accountant will therefore 
appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many many more times
than 54 goes into 18!!!! 

What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?

A man will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.

A middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get married. On their
wedding night they settle into the bridal suite and the bride says to her new
groom, "Please be gentle... I am still a virgin." The startled groom says "How can
that be? You've been married twice..."

The bride responds... "Well you see it was this way: My first husband, he was a
psychiatrist, and all he ever wanted to do was talk about sex. Catching her breath,
she says "My second husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do
was............. Oh God, I miss him!"

Did you hear about the hooker that had her
appendix taken out?

Now she does business on the side!

What kind of Bees make honey?
                                  Honey Bees!
What kind of Bees make Milk?
                                  BOOBIES!

What's the difference between condoms and coffins?

They both hold something stiff but one's coming and
one's going!

A Ken and Barbie Joke: Why does Barbie never get pregnant?

Because Ken always comes in a box!

Mongo's old lady decided she wanted t do
something special to please him on his
birthday, so she bought a pair of crotchless
panties. 
That night, as he came into the house, she
lay sprawled on the couch spread-eagle.
"Hi hon," she purred sexily. "Y'all want
some of this?"
"Hell, no!" he hollered. "Look at what it's
done to your undies!"

What's another term for cunnilingus? 

Genital Slurpees. 

What is white and streaks across the sky? 

The coming of the Lord. 

A man, being on top of a woman, says after a while: 
"Honey, your tits are too small, and your box
is too tight,"

"Get off my back, dear!" she replies

So one sperm says to the other "When do we get to the ovaries?"

The other replies "Ovaries! We're not even past the throat yet!"