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Main › Archives › Jokes › Category: Sex
| 121 |
| Email Friend | | | A man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering,
finally manages to say, "Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem.
Can you help me?"
"Oh, that's not a problem for us men anymore!" announces a proud
physician, "They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that
does the trick! You take some pills, and your problems are history."
So the doctor gives the man a prescription and sends him on his merry
way.
A couple of months later, the doctor runs into his patient on the
street. "Doctor, Doctor!" exclaims the man excitedly, "I've got to
thank you! This drug is a miracle! It's wonderful! I've had sex
fourteen times in eight days!"
"Well, I'm glad to hear that" says the pleased physician, "What does
your wife think about it?"
"Wife?" asks the man, "I haven't even been home yet!"
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| 122 |
| Email Friend | | | After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid
of spending the rest of her life alone, she decided to marry. She had
been with so many perverted men over the years that she felt she
needed a change and would only get one by marrying a virgin male near
her age.
She took out ads in newspapers around the world seeking a male
virgin who was 55 years old. She finally narrowed her choice to an
Australian computer programmer.
After a thorough background check, she was satisfied that he had
indeed never been with a woman and they were married. On their
wedding night, she went into the bathroom to change into her nightie.
When she came back out, she found that her new husband had taken the
bed and everything in the room and stacked it in one corner of the
room. Thinking this was rather kinky, she said to her husband, "I
thought you had never been with a woman."
He replied, "That's true, but if it's anything like screwing a
kangaroo, we're going to need all the room we can get!
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| 123 |
| Email Friend | | | How is pubic hair like parsley?
You push it to the side before you start eating.
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| 124 |
| Email Friend | | | What's the definition of a virgin?
an ugly third grader
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| 125 |
| Email Friend | | | What do you do when you're finished fucking a ten year old girl?
A: Turn her over and pretend she's a ten year old boy!
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| 126 |
| Email Friend | | | What's 3 feet tall and gives me head?
My son.
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| 127 |
| Email Friend | | | How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.
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| 128 |
| Email Friend | | | What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ?
Crib death.
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| 129 |
| Email Friend | | | What's the fastest way to get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.
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| 130 |
| Email Friend | | | As the end of the day drew near, the handsome executive
called his newly hired red-headed assistant into his office. "Do you
know what time we quit around here ?" he asked.
"Sure !" the girl nervously giggled. "Whenever somebody
knocks on the door."
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| 131 |
| Email Friend | | | Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, "Hey,
Pop! What are you doin'?"
His father says, "Son, I'm filling your mother's tank."
Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that
gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning."
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| 132 |
| Email Friend | | | This blonde goes into the drugstore looking for a birthday card. She
asks the clerk if they have any new and different cards -- something
unusual. The clerk points her to a new card just in that day -- "Happy
Birthday to the Boy who Popped My Cherry."
The blonde replied, "How cool! I'll take the whole box!"
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| 133 |
| Email Friend | | | A young boy on his way home from school must pass by a group of
hookers. Everyday as he passes them, the hookers wave at him with
their pinkies and say "Hi there little boy!!"
One day the boy stops and asks one of the hookers why they always
wave at him with their pinkies. They reply: "well, that is what size
we imagine your penis to be... it is just a joke!"
The next day on his way home, the hookers repeat the tradition. The
young boy stops and drops his school books on the ground, sticks all
his fingers in his mouth to stretch his lips very wide and says, "HI
THERE LADIES!
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| 134 |
| Email Friend | | | *ring* *ring*
"Hello?" Hearing only heavy breathing on the line, the woman repeated, "Hello?"
"I'll bet you want me to come into your bedroom," a male voice whispered
huskily, "...undress you, lick you from head to toe and make love to you until
morning."
"Geez," the woman replied, "you can tell all that from two hello's?"
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| 135 |
| Email Friend | | | Why is a joke like pussy?
Neither's any good if you don't get it.
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| 136 |
| Email Friend | | | What did cinderella do when she got to the ball???
She choked...
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| 137 |
| Email Friend | | | What's the difference between white onions, brown onions and a 30 centimeter
dick?
Nothing.... They all make your eyes water.
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| 138 |
| Email Friend | | | What do you do after you just raped a 12yr old deaf & dumb girl ?
Break her fingers so she can't tell her mum.
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| 139 |
| Email Friend | | | A guy rings work and says "I can`t come in to work today as I`m sick"
The voice at the other end asks "How sick are you ??"
The guy says "Well I`m in bed with my 12 year old son !!"
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| 140 |
| Email Friend | | | Why do you wrap duct tape around a hamster?
So it doesn't explode when you fuck it.
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