A Jewish congregation in New York honors its Rabbi for 25 years of service
by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid.

When he walks into his hotel room, there's a beautiful girl, nude, lying on
the bed. She says, "Hi, Rabbi, I'm a little something extra that the
president of the board arranged for you."

The Rabbi is incensed. He picks up the phone, calls the President of the
Temple Board and says, "Greenberg, what were you thinking? Where's your
respect? I am the moral leader of our community! I am very angry with you
and you have not heard the end of this."

The girl gets up and starts to get dressed. The Rabbi turns to her and
says, "Where are you going? I'm not angry with you."

Finally, a worthy pyramid scheme! Simply send this e-mail to 9 of your mates...

INSTRUCTIONS

Anaesthetise your wife/girlfriend, put her in a large carton, (don't forget
some ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the top of
your list. Soon, your name will be at the top of the list, and you will 
receive 823,542 women through the post.

Statistically, among those women, there will be at least:
*       0.5 Miss Worlds,
*       2.5 supermodels,
*       463 wild nymphos,
*       3,234 good-looking nymphos,
*       20,198 who enjoy multiple orgasms,
*       and 40,198 bi-sexual women.

In total, that is 64,294 women who are simply hornier, less inhibited, and
tastier than the miserable old cow you posted off. And, best of all, your
original package is guaranteed not to be one of those that come back to you.

DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN LETTER!!!

One bloke for example who sent the letter to only 5 instead of 9 of his
friends got his original bird back, still in the old dressing gown he sent
her off in, with the same old migraine attack, and the accusatorial
expression on her face.

On the same day, the international supermodel he'd been living with since
he sent off his old girlfriend moved out to live with his best friend (to
whom he had not sent the chain letter).

While I am sending this letter, the bloke that is in 6th place above me has
already received 837 women and is lying in hospital suffering from
exhaustion. Outside his ward are 452 more packages.

YOU MUST BELIEVE THIS E-MAIL!!!

This is a unique opportunity to achieve a totally satisfying sex life. No
expensive meals out, no lengthy conversations about trivialities (that only
interest women) just so that you can bonk her.

No obligations, no grumpy mother-in-law, and no unpleasant  surprises like
marriage or engagement.

Do not hesitate ... send this letter today to 9 of your best friends.

PS. - Even if you have no girlfriend, you can send your vacuum cleaner.

PPS. - This letter can also be copied to women you know so that they can
prepare themselves for the great adventure that they may soon undertake.

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very
proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and
desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, he
went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal
clerk) to make the proper "final" arrangements. As a last wish, she
informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved
on her tombstone:

"BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully.

A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to
prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite
apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for
the wording that she had chosen.

He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final
request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece
of stone. For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his
experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought
was the appropriate solution to the problem.

The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it
read as follows:

"RETURNED UNOPENED"

A guy is in line at the local Wal-Mart when he notices that a rather
hot blond behind him has just smiled "Hello" to him.
  
He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him...
and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from...
so he says ..."Sorry....do you know me?"

She replies... "I may be mistaken... but I thought you might be the
father... of one of my children."

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful.
"Holy crap".... he says, "are you that stripper from my bachelor party
that I screwed on the pool table in front of all my friends.... while
your girlfriend whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up
my behind?"

"No".... she replies..... "I'm your son's teacher."

For his birthday, little Joe asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said,
"Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and
your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it." 

The next day the father saw little Joe heading out the front door with a
suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" 
 
Little Joe told him: "I was walking past your room last night and heard you
telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because
she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a
$280,000 mortgage and no bike!"

A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a
local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young
idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major
for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is
something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks
like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You
know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the
young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but
when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill
out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private
room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said,
"Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."

The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch,
"I hope not; it's only 2130 now.