"My girl, Ginger, is going to die of syphilis," mumbles an angry
biker to one of his buddies. 

"No," says the friend, "people don't die of syphilis anymore." 

The angry biker replies, "They do when they give it to me!"

A doctor's advice to young bride regarding the use of the diaphragm: 

"Use it on every conceivable occasion."

Definition of bad lover:

An earthquake occurs during sex. Afterwards he asks the woman if she felt 
the earth move. She says no.

The handsome American strode into a department store in Paris, France, 
and headed straight for the lingerie counter. He intently studied the 
array of lacy underthings and the sales lady bustled over to him.

"Do you have something in mind?" she asked.

"I certainly do, ma'am," the American emphatically replied.
"That's why I want a nice gift."

Robinson came home in great excitement and said to his wife, "You'll 
never believe it, dear, but I've discovered an entirely new position
for lovemaking."
"Really," said Mrs. Robinson, interested at once. "What is it?"
"Back to back."
"But that's crazy. We can't do anything back to back."
"Yes we can. I've persuaded another couple to help out."

What do Marriage and a Tornado have in common? 

Well you start off with a lot of blowing and then sucking,
and then next thing you know your house is gone!

What is white and flies across the sky? 

                 The coming of the Lord.

While they were taking up the collection, John leaned forward and said, 
"Hey, Marie, how about you and me go to dinner next Friday?" 
"Why Yes, John, that would be nice," said Marie. 

Well, John couldn't believe his luck. All week long he polished up his 
car, and on Friday he picked up Marie and took her to dinner, the 
finest restaurant in Raleigh. When they sat down, John looked over at 
Marie said, "Hey, Marie, would you like a cocktail before dinner?" 

"Oh, no, John, "said Marie. "What would I tell my Sunday School class?" 

Well, John was setback a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. 
Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. 
"Hey, Marie," said John, "Would you like a smoke?" 

"Oh, no, John," said Marie. "What would I tell my Sunday School class?" 

Well, John was feeling pretty low after that, so he just got in his car 
and was driving Marie home when they passed the Holiday Inn. He'd 
struck out twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose. 

"Hey, Marie," said John, "how would you like to stop at this motel with 
me?" 

"Sure, John, that would be nice," said Marie. 

Well, John couldn't believe his luck. He did a U-turn right then and 
there across the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and 
checked in with Marie. 

The next morning John got up first. He looked at Marie lying there in 
the bed. 

"What have I done? What have I done?" thought John. 

He shook Marie and she woke up. "Marie, I've got to ask you one thing, 
said John. "What are you going to tell your Sunday School class?" 

Marie said, "The same thing I always tell them......... You don't have 
to smoke and drink to have a good time.

What do Viagra And Disney Land have in common?

They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two minute ride!

There was this Eskimo girl who spent the night with her boyfriend and next
morning found out that she was six months pregnant.

What do you call a woman who can suck golf balls through a hose?

Darling.

Two prostitutes, after Christmas holidays:
- What did you ask Santa Claus to give you?
- Hundred dollars, as usual.

What's the purpose of a bellybutton?

To put your gum in on the way down.

A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for 
women."

"Yeah what happened?" asked his friend.

The first guy replies, "Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the 
bottle."

It was a nice sunny day when three men were walking down a country road, 
when they saw a bush with a pig's ass popping out. 

The first man says, "I wish that was Demi Moore's Ass" 

The second man says, "I wish that was Pamela Anderson's Ass." 

Then the third man says, "I wish it was dark."