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Main › Archives › Jokes › Category: Sex
| 461 |
| Email Friend | | | A guy is screwing a great looking blonde.
The girl asks, "You haven't got AIDS have you?"
He replies, "No."
She responds, "Oh, thank heavens for that!!
I don't want to get that again...!"
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| 462 |
| Email Friend | | | A salesman in a strange city was feeling horny and wanted release. He
inquired for the address of a good house of ill repute. He was told to
go to 225 West 42nd St.
By mistake, he went to 255 West 42nd St, the office of a podiatrist. Being
met by a beautiful woman in a white uniform surprised but intrigued him.
She directed him to an examining room and told him to uncover and someone
would be with him soon.
He loved the thought of the table and the reclining chair and was really
getting aroused because of the strange and different approach this house
offered.
Finally the doctor's assistant, a really gorgeous redhead entered and
found him sitting in the chair with his generous member in his hand.
"My goodness", she exclaimed, "I was expecting to see a foot."
"Well," he said, "if you're going to complain about an inch then I'll take
my business elsewhere."
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| 463 |
| Email Friend | | | For more ahem...adventerous types....
What is "71"?
"69" with two fingers up your ass.
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| 464 |
| Email Friend | | | What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
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| 465 |
| Email Friend | | | The blind daters had really hit it off and, at the end of the evening
as they were beginning to undress each other in his apartment, the
fellow said, "Before we go any further, Charlene, tell me - do you
have any special fetishes that I should take into account in bed?"
"As a matter of fact," smiled the girl, "I do happen to have a foot
fetish - but I suppose I'd settle for maybe seven or eight inches."
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| 466 |
| Email Friend | | | There's a fire at the whorehouse
-- some come out running and others run out coming!
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| 467 |
| Email Friend | | | Forty years later, they're in the same hotel room they spent their
honeymoon in. She takes off her clothes, lies down on the bed,
spreads her legs...
Her husband looks at her and he begins to weep uncontrollably.
She says, "What's the matter?"
He says, "Forty years ago, I couldn't wait to eat it, and now, NOW..."
"Now?" she asks.
"Now, it looks like it can't wait to eat ME!"
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| 468 |
| Email Friend | | | What do you get with a corduroy condom?
A groovy kind of love.
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| 469 |
| Email Friend | | | Why are guys faster than girls?
They have a stick shift and ball bearings.
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| 470 |
| Email Friend | | | What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
Beat it! We're closed...
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| 471 |
| Email Friend | | | The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that
her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and
adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any
attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told
her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and, until
then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman
told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl started to laugh and reached over to hug her mother saying, "Oh
Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating a woman!"
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| 472 |
| Email Friend | | | I know I haven't known you very long and I shouldn't be asking you for
this so soon, but I really need it badly. I haven't had it for a while
and I can already feel it going in good and hard and coming out nice and
soft. If you would do this for me no one would ever know. I am sure you
can satisfy my needs and I'd be very grateful if you would. I am very
desperate and I need your help. You must think by now that I have a lot
of nerve but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it and sucking out all
the juices until it's very dry. I am not going to beat around the bush
any longer so...
Do you have a piece of gum?
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| 473 |
| Email Friend | | | A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition
that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well,
this happened...but then they danced for the second song too. And
the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up
and kicked the bride between the legs. A riot broke out, and all
the invited guests were hauled off to jail. In court the next week,
the judge asked the best man what happened.
"Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and
kicked the bride between the legs."
"That must have hurt," said the judge.
"No kidding," said the best man. "I broke three of my fingers."
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| 474 |
| Email Friend | | | What would you rather be, a light bulb or a bowling ball?
Depends on whether you'd rather be screwed of fingered.
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| 475 |
| Email Friend | | | A guy says, "I remember the first time I used
alcohol as a substitute for women."
"Yeah what happened?" asked his friend.
The first guy replies, "Well, er, I got my
penis stuck in the neck of the bottle."
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| 476 |
| Email Friend | | | What do a meteorologist in a snowstorm
and a woman's sex life have in common?
They're both concerned with how many
inches and how long it will last.
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| 477 |
| Email Friend | | | Sidney has a problem with premature ejaculation, so he pays a visit to a
sex shop for a remedy. The clerk hands him a little purple can and
says, "This is Stay-Hard spray... put on a little and you can go all
night!"
Excited, Sidney takes it home, stashes it in the cellar on a shelf, and
waits eagerly for bedtime. Later that night, he sprays some on his member
and then goes upstairs to his wife. To his utter disappointment, however,
the remedy seems to make him orgasm quicker than ever.
The next day, Sidney returns to the sex shop, angrily slammed the can down
on the counter, and snaps, "This stuff makes me worse than before!"
Upon reading the label, the clerk asks, "I don't suppose your hid this
stuff on your basement shelf, did you?"
"Yeah, so?"
"You must have grabbed the wrong can, sir... this is Easy-Off."
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| 479 |
| Email Friend | | | Jill, a love-starved spinster, was so desperate that she went to
a local newspaper office and inquired about putting an advertisement
in the 'Lonely Hearts' column.
"Well, madam," the assistant said, "we charge a minimum of $1 per
insertion."
"You don't say," said the spinster "Well then, here's $20 and to hell
with the advertisement!"
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| 480 |
| Email Friend | | | Why is it estimated that only 99 percent of all people masterbate?
The other 1% were either taking the poll or answering the door!
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