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Main › Archives › Jokes › Category: Sex
| 401 |
| Email Friend | | | Three altar boys are standing in the snow with their pants down around
their ankles. They have their penis' in a snow bank.
Sister Margaret sticks her head out the window and says, "Boys! Boys!
Whatever are you doing... you're going to catch pneumonia. Put your
penis' away."
The tallest altar boy turns around and yells, "Sister Margaret, don't
worry, we know what we're doing. Father Porter always likes a couple
cold ones after work...."
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| 402 |
| Email Friend | | | The clerk showed the man the store's most expensive perfume.
"This is called 'Perhaps'," said the sales clerk. "It's $285 per
ounce."
"Listen," the man shot back, "for $285 an ounce, I don't want
something called 'Perhaps'; I want something called...
"You Can Bet Your Sweet Ass You'll Get Some !!"
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| 403 |
| Email Friend | | | This fellow was screwing his best friend's wife when he suddenly stopped
and sat on the edge of the bed, holding his head in his hands. "What the
hell is your problem?" the lady asked. "I feel like a regular son of a
bitch, getting my best friends pussy," the man moaned. The lady reached
over and patted him on the back. "Well, if that's all it is, you can stop
worrying," she said. "You're not getting his pussy. His pussy is five to
six inches deeper."
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| 404 |
| Email Friend | | | The common symptoms of swine flu are: High fever, upset stomach,
occasional cramps and an irresistible urge to fuck in the mud...
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| 405 |
| Email Friend | | | A young boy asked his mother "Ma, is it true that people can be taken
apart like machines?" "Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?"
replied by his mother The young boy answered " The other day, Daddy was
talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off
his secretary."
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| 406 |
| Email Friend | | | Woman, "Slow down, foreplay is an art."
Man, "Well, if you don't get your canvas arranged soon,
I'm going to spill my paint!"
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| 407 |
| Email Friend | | | Wife comes home to find the old man shagging the dog in the front room.
"My God Henry", she screams, "I know you've had other woman but this time
you've gone too far!" "You may be right" he says, "I think I'm stuck."
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| 408 |
| Email Friend | | | A priest is teaching a nun how to swim and the nun says to the priest
"Will I really sink if you take your finger out?"
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| 409 |
| Email Friend | | | One neighbor says to the other, "Hey Joe, you have to stop leaving the
blinds on your bedroom open, I saw you fucking your wife." Joe responds
"The jokes on you, Stan, I was away on a business trip yesterday."
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| 410 |
| Email Friend | | | The dean of women at an exclusive girl's college was lecturing her
students on sexual morality. "In moments of temptation," said the speaker
to the class, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure
worth a lifetime of shame?"
A sweet young thing in the back of the room rose to ask: "How do you make
it last an hour?"
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| 411 |
| Email Friend | | | A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem
doctor" Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this
earsplitting yell." "MY dear," the shrink said, "that's completely
natural. I don't see what problem is?" "The problem is," she complained,
"It wakes me up."
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| 412 |
| Email Friend | | | What is the difference between a Slut and a Bitch?
A Slut sleeps with everyone, a bitch sleeps with everyone but you!
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| 413 |
| Email Friend | | | Did you know Sex is a crime?
Its a misdemeanor - The more I miss de meaner I get..
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| 414 |
| Email Friend | | | If a light sleeper sleeps lighter with the light on,
does a hard sleeper sleep harder with a hard on?
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| 415 |
| Email Friend | | | One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl which he did
not know. The old man began to put on his condom when the young girl asked
him why is he putting one on. She said "you don't have to worry about
getting me pregnant because you are too old and you don't have to worry
about catching anything because you are going to die pretty soon anyway".
The old man continued to put on his condom he then looked up at the girl
and said, "young girl the reason I am putting on this condom isn't because
I am afraid of getting you pregnant or catching anything. I just like the
scent of burning rubber."
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| 416 |
| Email Friend | | | Three college students were rapping about who they'd like to be cast off
on a desert with. The first one opted for Cindy Crawford. The next one
chose Pamela Anderson. The third man chose Virginia Pipeline. "Never heard
of her." his companions protested. "Who is she?" "Why she's just the
greatest Italian gal of all, making the headlines in the newspaper,"
replied the third man. "See, here it is on page one: FIVE DIE LAYING
VIRGINIA PIPELINE"
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| 417 |
| Email Friend | | | What is a man's idea of protected sex?
A padded headboard.
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| 418 |
| Email Friend | | | Two friends met after a long time, and chatted about what´s been going on
since they last met. One of them had a new girlfriend and the other one
asked about her cooking, her relation to his folks etc. etc. and finally
asked "How is she in bed?" First guy replies "She´s fantastic, she sucks
like a real man!"
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| 419 |
| Email Friend | | | Q: How do you tell if you're making love to a nurse, a schoolteacher, or
an airline stewardess?
A: A nurse says: "This won't hurt a bit." A schoolteacher says, "We're
going to have to do this over and over
again until we get it right." An airline stewardess says, "Just hold this
over your mouth and nose, and breath
normally."
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| 420 |
| Email Friend | | | AMNESIA:
Condition that enables a woman who has gone through
labor to have sex again.
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