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221		Email Friend
	The new hooker had just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details. She said, "Well, he was a big, muscular and handsome marine." "Well? What did he want to do?" they all asked. She said, "I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he did not have that much. So, I told him a blow job would be $75, but he did not have that much either. Finally I said, 'Well how much do you have?' The marine said he only had $25. So, I told him, 'For $25, all I can give you is a hand job.' He agreed and after getting the finances straight, he pulled it out. I put one hand on it. Then, I put the other hand above that one." She paused, raised her eyebrows, and then continues, "Then I put the first hand above the second hand..." "Oh my God!" they all exclaimed, "it must have been huge! Then what did you do?" "I loaned him $75!"

222		Email Friend
	The wife of an older man is distraught because her husband's um... little sailor can't salute anymore. She goes to her local doctor and explains the situation and the doctor just feels plain bad for her. The doc thinks for a little bit, turns to the woman and says, "listen, I don't do this for everyone, but since your husband's on his way out...Get this prescription, and put three drops in his milk before he goes to bed." The wife is very happy and thanks the doc profusely. Two weeks later, the doctor sees the woman and asks how it went. The lady blushes, smiles and says, "well I put thirty drops in his milk by accident, and well, we just need an antidote now to close the coffin."

223		Email Friend
	A couple married forty years were revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded countryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road. The woman said, "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did here forty years ago." The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the fence, and he immediately jumped her bones like a bass on a junebug. They made love like never before. Back in the car, the guy says, "Darlin', you sure never moved like that forty years ago--or any time since that I can remember!" The woman says, "Forty years ago that goddamn fence wasn't electrified!"

224		Email Friend
	Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband, John, was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend, Ralph, and she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph: "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window my husband is home early!" Ralph looked out the window and said: "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like hell out there!" Mary cried: "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!" So the boyfriend grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window! When he landed outside he found himself in the middle of a marathon race... so he started running along side the others -- only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm. One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?" Ralph answered, while gasping for air: "Oh yes, It feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running." The other runner then asked the nude man: "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?" Ralph answered breathlessly: "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!" The runner then asked: "Do you always wear a condom when you run?" Ralph answered, "Only if it's raining."

225		Email Friend
	A man is driving down the freeway when he sees a sign that says; "Get gas and free sex here". So obviously the guy was interested, so he stopped, filled up went inside to pay. "Pick a number from 1 - 10 to get free sex." said the cashier. "Uh, okay, 3!" the man replied. "Nope! Sorry play again". So the guy drove around for weeks always getting gas at the same place, because he wanted his free sex. One day he was really ticked: "This has got to be rigged! I have never gotten the number to have free sex!" He screamed. "Oh no! It's not rigged, just ask your wife, she won 3 times last week alone!"

The guy considered himself lucky to have been able to attract
and bed such a luscious looking dish. He was even considering
trying to establish a relationship instead of just a one night
stand. But he couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't already
in one.
"I can't help feeling that we've met before." he said.
"Yeah, I know." sighed the girl stretching. "It happens to me
a lot. I think they call this 'deja screw'. 

A man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting
drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her why she's so down.
"My husband just left me. He said I'm too kinky in bed," she said.
"What a coincidence! My wife just left me," said the man, "she told
me that I was too kinky for her, too!"
The two talk a little while longer, and finding that they have so
much in common they decide to go back to the woman's house to have
kinky sex.
When they get to the woman's house she turns to the man and says,
"Give me ten minutes, I want to slip into something more comfortable."
She goes into the bathroom and changes into a full leather dominatrix
outfit.
However, as she is coming out of her bathroom, the man is putting on
his coat and walking out the door.
"What happened?" She said, "I thought you wanted to have kinky sex?"
He looks at her and says, "Well, I just screwed your dog and shit in
your purse. I'm done." 

When you go to the hospital how do you find the head nurse? 

     Look for the nurse with dirty knees and swollen lips! 

It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president
had finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back
of his leather couch and allow him to have sex with her that way.
"And just where have you been until this hour?" demanded his wife,
when the wayward husband finally arrived home.
"Down at the office," he replied, "working like a dog." 

Two pedophiles were sitting on the beach.

One said to the other "Hey get out of my son!" 

Why do bankers make great lovers? 

     They know the penalty for early withdrawal. 

How do you re-sleeve a prostitue? 

     - Put a leg of ham up her snatch and pull the bone out. 

How do you get Visual Aids? 

     - From a nasty poke in the eye. 

Which of the following doesn't belong?

(a) meat
(b) eggs
(c) wife
(d) blow job

(D) A blowjob because its possible to beat your meat,
your eggs or your wife, but you can't beat a blowjob 

What is the similarity between a woman and a washing machine? 

     They both leak when they're fucked! 

What two things in the air will get a women pregnant? 

     Her legs. 

What is a yankee? 

     A quickie, but you do it yourself. 

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? 

     - Because she gets a frog stuck in her throat at 69. 

What's a Jewish American Princess's idea of kinky sex?

     She moves. 

How can you tell if your girlfriend is frigid? 

     When you open her legs the lights go on