WASHINGTON, DC - Frustrated by failed attempts to turn 
public support away from the president, congress today 
announced it would begin releasing completely fabricated 
documents and videotapes on Monday.

Speaker Newt Gingrich addressed the press at the Capitol this 
morning. "We feel that with the release of all the documents 
from the Starr Inquisition, and the public still supporting the 
president, we need to take further steps in our neverending goal 
of overturning the 1992 and 1996 elections. 

On Monday morning, we will release a diary of President 
Clinton's in which he claims to have had dinner with Adolf Hitler, 
Ayatolla Khomeni and Saddam Hussein, and later slept with 
them in the Lincoln Bedroom. He also claims in the diary, 'Meat 
is murder, I am a communist, Die Capitalist Die!' We will also 
release a doctored videotape showing the president strangling a 
litter of small kittens."

A CNN/Newsweek poll following the press conference showed a 
slight rise in the president's approval rating.