"I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you
   want, but you must eat it with naked fat people." - Ed Bluestone "Have
   you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and
   anyone going faster than you is a moron." - George Carlin "You have to
   stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day
   when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she
   is." - Ellen DeGeneris "Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt.
   Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it
   on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents." -
   Billiam Coronel "I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze
   pilots wore helmets." - Dave Edison "Did you ever notice when you blow
   in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he
   sticks his head out the window." - Steve Bluestone "I think men who
   have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've
   experienced pain and bought jewelry." - Rita Rudner