Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband's insistence that they
   make
   love in the dark. Hoping to free him of his inhibitions, she flipped
   on her
   reading lamp one passionate night -- only to find a cucumber in his
   hand.
   "Is THIS", she asked, pointing to the vegetable, "what you've been
   using
   on me for the last 5 years?" "Honey, let me explain..." "Why, you
   sneaky
   bastard!" she screamed. "You impotent son of a -" "Speaking of
   sneaky,"
   her husband coolly interjected, "maybe you'd like to explain our three
   kids."