What women want in a relationship:  A handsome, loving professional
man who will just love them for who they are.
What women get:  A fat, balding fart machine who stays with them only
because no other woman wants him.

What men want in a woman:  A combination of Carol Brady and Pamela Lee
Anderson;  Wonderful Mom with big hooters and can suck the chrome off
a flag pole.

What men get:  Someone who immediately begins to gain those 80 extra
lbs the moment after she says "I Do", beginning with the wedding cake!

What women want in bed:  A passionate lover who takes the time to kiss
and gently caress, slowly building up to a wonderful joyous experience
together.

What they get: "Wham-Bam-Thank-You Ma'am!", Belch, Fart, Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

What men expect out of a marriage:  3 loving children who honor their
parents.
What they get:  3 helions who are a combination of their parents every
fault and make their life a living hell.

1st anniversary card from husband to wife:  "My sweet loving wife....I
hope this first year is a reflection of the next 60 years, you are my heart
and soul, I am forever yours."

5th anniversary card:  "I love you so much honey...words cannot describe."

10th anniversary card:  "Hey, how's it hangin'?  Love Ya'!!"

15th anniversary card:  "Ummmmmmmmm......'sup?"

16th anniversary card from wife to husband:  "You are hereby summoned
to divorce proceedings..."