Christmas Cookie Ingredients

1 cup water
1 tsp. baking soda
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups dried fruit
1 bottle Absolute vodka

Sample the Absolute to  check quality.  Take a large bowl. Check the
Absolute again, to be sure it is of the highest quality.  Pour 1 level
cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer.  Beat 1 cup  butter in a
large fluffy bowl.  Add 1 teaspoon of sugar,  beat again.  At this
point it's best to make sure the Absolute is still OK, try another cup, 
just in case. 

Turn off the mixerer thingy, break 2 leggs and add to the bowl
and chuck  in 1 cup of dried fruit.  Pick the frigging fruit off
floor... mix on the turner.  If the fried druit gets stuck in the
beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.  Sample the Absolut to
check for tonsisticity.  Next, sift 2 cups of salt or something.  Who
giveshz a sheet.  Check the Absolute.  Now shift the lemon juice and
strain your nuts.  Add 1 table.  Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.
Whatever you can find.  Greash the oven.  Turn the cake tin 360 degrees
and try not to fall over.  Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Absolute and
make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.   CHERRY MISTMAS!!!!!!