Little Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him these 
lines to practice:

"Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I think 
I'll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William Shakespeare."

Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly every 
time. The night of the play it was his turn to speak. This is what he said:

"Hark! A pigeon shit! There lies a lady with soap in her hole. I think 
I'll kiss her snatch and run into the forest. By William Snakeshit... 
Horseshit... Oh, shit! I didn't want to be in this damn play anyway!"