Here's a sick one...

So at the funeral home, the widow instructs the mortician to cut off
her late husband's penis and shove it up his rectum.  The mortician
objects, but threatening not to pay, he relents.  Later, at the coffin
closing, the wife bends down to kiss her husband goodbye, and she sees a
tear coming from his eye.  She says "Hurts doesn't it, you son of a
bitch!"