Tooth Fairy Form Letter

Dear ____________:

Thank you for leaving [01] tooth under your pillow last night.

While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of
lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your
request for the following reason(s) indicated below:

( ) the tooth could not be found
( ) it was not a human tooth
( ) we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny
( ) we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odour
( ) the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash
( ) the tooth did not originally belong to you
(x) you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the tooth
    fairy
( ) you were age 12 or older at the time your request was received
( ) the tooth is still in your mouth (x) the tooth was
    guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our visit
( ) no nightlight was on at the time of our visit
(x) the snacks provided for the tooth fairy were not satisfactory, or
    were missing
( ) we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows:
    [ ] string
    [ ] pliers
    [ ] gunpowder
    [ ] hammer marks
    [ ] chisel
    [ ] part of skull attached to tooth
    [ ] no dental care
( ) other:

Instead of the usual cash redemption, we have provided the following
certificate which you may attempt to exchange at a retail store near
you. Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in
the future.

Sincerely,

The Tooth Fairy