Some professions

A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl 
enters the room.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked 
children.
A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you 
the time.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that 
you will look forward to the trip.