NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGE

It has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been
using foul language during the execution of their duties. Due to
complaints from managers who are more easily offended, this type of
language will no longer be tolerated.

We do realise, however, the importance of staff being able to properly
express their feelings when communicating with other employees. With
this in mind, the Human Resources Department has compiled a list of
code phrases so proper exchange of ideas/information can continue in
an effective manner without risking offence to our more sensitive
brethren.

Old Phrase                              New Phrase
1.  No fucking way                    I'm fairly sure that this is not feasible
2.  Your fucking joking               Really
3.  Tell someone who gives a fuck     Have you run that by................
4.  No cunt told me                   I was not involved in that project
5.  I don't have the fucking time     Perhaps I can work late
6.  Who fucking cares                 Are you sure that is the problem
7.  Eat shit and die                  You don't say
8.  Eat shit and die motherfucker     You don't say, Sir
9.  Kiss my arse                      So you would like me to help you
10. He's a fucking prick              He is somewhat insensitive
11. That's fucking bullshit           I find that hard to believe
12. You haven't got a fucking clue    You could benefit from more training
13. This place is fucked              We are a little disorganised today
14. What sort of fucker are you       You're new here aren't you?
15. Fuck off shit head                Well there you go
16. You're a fucking wanker           You're my manager and I respect you
17. Ha! Fuck you                      I wasn't there that day
18. This is bollocks                  We need to look into this some more
19. I aint got no cunt                I am rather short of labour
20. Fuck off                          I'll look into that and get back to you