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Anything but the facts, Ma'amby Melvin Durai, 2004-09-19 http://MelvinDurai.com Other columns by Melvin Durai There are some facts I'd prefer not to know. I'd rather not know, for example, what proportion of my life has been spent standing in line at the post office. I'd rather not know how much of my family's net worth is currently tied up in women's shoes. And I'd rather not know how many people have looked at my bald spot admiringly, pleased with their reflections. What you don't know won't hurt you -- or so the old saying goes. If you don't know that the cook at your favorite restaurant dropped your burger on the floor, you won't have any complaints about it -- you might even find it tastier than usual. Restaurant manager: "Hey, why did you drop another burger on the floor? Not enough sleep last night?" Cook: "No, sir. The customer ordered another one, prepared just the same way." Many of us are determined to avoid the truth, even if it concerns our health. We don't want to have regular breast exams, for instance, because some of us are afraid of what we might find, some of us believe it's better not to know, and some of us, quite frankly, are men. (Most men are big believers in regular breast exams for their wives and girlfriends, especially if they're allowed to participate.) When we're happily munching hot dogs at a barbecue, we don't want to know how many different chemicals have been stuffed into them, nor, for that matter, how many different animals. As long as it tastes like beef, pork or chicken, we'd rather not know if the hot dog factory recently got a shipment of kangaroo. Let the government worry about that -- we're more concerned about who's going to quarterback the Niners. When we shop at discount chains like Wal-Mart, we'd rather not know how much factory workers in China are getting paid and what working conditions they endure, as long as we can enter the store with three bucks in our pockets and leave with all our Christmas shopping done. And still have change left over for cigarettes. Even if the products were being made by slaves, some of us wouldn't want to know. Activist: "Hey lady, did you know that the automatic dishwasher you're buying was made by slaves in Asia? Don't you want to do something about slavery?" Shopper: "Of course I want to do something about slavery. That's why I'm buying this dishwasher -- so I'm not a slave in my kitchen anymore." When we show our support for war, we'd rather not know all the gruesome details, unless Oprah insists on telling us. War supporter: "I'm for the war in Iraq because of 9/11, because they came to our soil and killed three thousand innocent civilians." Oprah: "Actually, Iraq wasn't involved in 9/11. And another thing, according to IraqBodyCount.net, at least 12,750 civilians have died as a result of the Iraq war. That's more than four times the number killed on 9/11." War supporter: "That can't be true, Oprah! President Bush never said anything about that! You need to pay attention when he's talking!" Some of us would even prefer not to know about the 1,000-plus American soldiers who've lost their lives in the war. We just want the president to make a daily statement: "My fellow Americans, by God's grace, we're conducting a good war. The casualties have been minimal. A handful here, a handful there, that's all. It's like going skiing, only safer. In fact, the number of troops who haven't been harmed is still at 100 percent of what Donald Rumsfeld told me it would be. And as long as I'm president, it's going to remain at 100 percent!"
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