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Whenever my daughters enjoy a story or nursery rhyme that I enjoyed as a child, it gives me a certain thrill, makes me feel that their childhood isn't too different from mine, despite the fact that mine occurred in the dark ages, when books were etched on stone. Those were indeed primitive times. Stories and rhymes didn't protect us from the evils of the world. We had to read, for example, about the old woman who lived in a shoe and her terrible mistreatment of her children: "She whipped them all soundly and put them to bed." I know what you're thinking: "How could anyone be so cruel? Wasn't it bad enough that the children had to deal with the social stigma of living in a shoe?" Thankfully, the old woman who appears in my daughters' books has been rehabilitated, perhaps through many hours of therapy. Nowadays, she treats her children rather well: "She kissed them all sweetly and sent them to bed." But she still lives in a shoe and feeds her children broth without bread, whereas, a few pages later, Little Miss Muffet is eating curds and whey. Hopefully, by the time my grandchildren read these rhymes, the gap between the rich and poor won't be so wide. Miss Muffet may have been rich, but she still had to deal with the big spider who "sat down beside her and frightened Miss Muffet away." I know what you're thinking: "That's horrible! How could this happen? Miss Muffet needs to get on the phone and fire her pest control guy." Thankfully, children today can read the book "Positively Mother Goose" and meet a kinder, gentler spider. This spider "sat down beside her and brightened Miss Muffet's whole day." The rhyme ends on that happy note, but hopefully, by the time my grandchildren read it, Miss Muffet will invite the spider to share her curds and whey. And maybe the spider will teach Miss Muffet how to build a good web site. Then there's the tale of the three little pigs. In my day, the first two pigs met a tragic fate at the hands of the big bad wolf. He didn't just blow their houses down, he even -- don't read any further if you're squeamish -- ate them for dinner. I know what you're thinking: "How shocking! Children's books should not be promoting the consumption of pork. Especially when a large segment of the population considers it offensive." Thankfully, my children read about a wolf who isn't quite so hungry. He merely blows the pigs away. But he's still not the model citizen we expect children to read about. Hopefully, by the time my grandchildren read this story, the wolf will call a press conference to apologize to the pigs and promise to enroll in anger management classes. As we strive to improve children's literature, let us give credit to the teachers at a nursery school near Oxfordshire, England, who are getting the children to sing not just "Baa Baa Black Sheep," but also "Baa Baa White Sheep." And just in case that isn't inclusive enough, teachers at two other nurseries are getting children to sing "Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep." We should also give thanks to Sarah M. Giles and Sarah Shea, whose December 2003 article in the Canadian Medical Association Journal shed light on some important medical and safety issues in nursery rhymes. "In the case of Humpty Dumpty," they wrote, "we question whether 'all the king's horses and all the king's men' were capable of launching an appropriate medical intervention after Mr. Dumpty's unfortunate accident. What sort of EMS training and equipment did these first responders have? ... The presence of 'all the king's men' also suggests a shocking lack of crowd control. Could the crowded scene explain the inability of the responders to 'put Humpty together again'?" Their article was, of course, tongue-in-cheek. But hopefully, by the time my grandchildren read this rhyme, the emergency response will be better: "All the king's doctors and all the king's nurses managed to put Mr. Humpty together again. And he married the old woman in the shoe and they lived happily ever after."
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The nice old woman in the shoe