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Pokern
 
Mr. Microsoft puts his dough to work
by Melvin Durai, 2006-01-31


Other columns by Melvin Durai

It's easy to poke fun at Bill Gates, the richest man on the planet. The Microsoft billionaire has been the butt of thousands of jokes and one-liners. As an old girlfriend said, "I used to call him Mr. Microsoft, but it made him rather self-conscious, especially in the bedroom."

When Gates was in high school, none of the girls wanted to date him. Not because he looked like a nerd, but because he was president and founder of the Nerd Club. He tried to ask one girl out, but she didn't understand what he meant when he said, "Let's interface tonight." It didn't help matters when he tried to entice her: "If you come home, I'll show you my floppy."

Gates may not have been smooth with the ladies, but he knew how to connect with computers, and before long he had created some software, founded a company and was well on his way to world domination. The computer world, if not the real world, was soon bowing to him. If Microsoft wasn't quite a monopoly, then Gates at least owned every hotel on Boardwalk and Park Place. He was often accused of unfair business practices, which is like accusing George Foreman of having an appetite.

How rich is Bill Gates? He's so rich, he can buy every member of Congress. With enough money left over to give Martha Stewart a lifetime supply of Oil of Olay.

He's so rich, he can afford his own island. And change its name to Great Bill-tain.

He's so rich, he can put a large Microsoft logo on Venus. And an even bigger logo on Serena.

His house in Washington state is worth more than $100 million. It makes the White House look like a hut in Botswana. (With a grinning Bush man in charge.) A 21st century high-tech house, it's full of modern amenities, such as a 17-by-60-foot swimming pool that plays music underwater, a reception hall that seats 150 people and an underground shelter that allows the maids and babysitters to hide from immigration.

Yes, it's easy to poke fun at Bill Gates. What he's doing is much harder: Giving his dough away. Well, a big lump of it anyway, enough to make the world's biggest pizza -- or as George Foreman would say, "A nice snack."

Through the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, he and his wife have pledged more than $7 billion for various causes and put a sharp focus on fighting diseases in poor countries. They recently tripled their funding for tuberculosis eradication to $900 million over the next decade, hoping to save as many as 14 million lives. That's a lot of people, folks, almost an entire neighborhood in China.

When the world's richest man gives money away, there are bound to be skeptics, people who question his motives. Is he just giving himself more tax deductions? Is he trying to create goodwill to offset Microsoft's poor image? Is he tired of receiving "Dear Uncle Bill" letters from those long-lost nephews in Nigeria?

Whatever his motives, he's doing the right thing: trying to help the underprivileged.

How rich is he? He's so rich, he can do what many countries can't: provide hope for their citizens. And to them, there's no one bigger than Mr. Microsoft.


Melvin Durai is a U.S.-based, India-born writer and humorist whose weekly humor columns entertain thousands of people in more than 90 countries.

Other columns by Melvin Durai

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