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Imagine you're flipping channels one night and come across the Miss Universe contest. What do you do? Well, if you're like me, you tell yourself that it's demeaning to women and objectifies them unfairly and that you shouldn't watch a minute of it, not a single minute, beyond the swimsuit round. I mean, principles are principles. Well, imagine also that the judges are being introduced and you recognize one of them: the priest of your church. (Depending on your religion, this could be your minister, rabbi, swami, mullah, etc.) Just last week he preached about the importance of avoiding worldly pleasures, speaking so forcefully that he almost caused you to look up from your cell phone. And here he is now, sweeping his eyes over a bevy of beauties, smiling so broadly that you're fairly certain what the next sermon will be about: the importance of appreciating God's creations. If this seems farfetched, that's probably because you don't live in Norway, where a Lutheran vicar named Einar Gelius had recently agreed to serve as a judge for a national beauty pageant, with the winner representing Norway at the Miss Universe contest. He apparently believed he could do whatever he wanted in his spare time, even judge women in bikinis. But you can forgive him: He's a Gelius, not a genius. As reported by Reuters, the Church of Norway promptly asked Gelius to resign from the panel of judges, saying that as a representative of the church he should not be judging others, bikinis or no bikinis. "The Church should preach that we are all equal and this competition's view of women is particularly disturbing," Arne Groeningsaeter, head of the Oslo diocese council, told Reuters. Indeed, I'm always disturbed when I watch the Miss Universe contest, because I realize that the women are not just equally beautiful, but also equally likely to end up dating Donald Trump. I know he owns the contest, but does he have to own the contestants too? If Gelius had quit immediately, perhaps this wouldn't have made any headlines. But despite objections from church members, he didn't resign for an entire week, not until he heard from the Bishop of Oslo, also known as the big honcho. Bishop: "What's this I hear, Einar? You're going to be judging a beauty contest?" Gelius: "Oh, it's nothing, Bishop. Just something I'm doing in my free time. It's a good way to reach out to young women -- and also do some scoring." Bishop: "Are you going to reach out with God's message or just with your eyes?" Gelius: "My eyes, mostly. But they won't be judgmental eyes. They'll be loving eyes, observing the women with sensitivity, empathy and a pair of binoculars." Bishop: "Isn't there something else you could do in your free time? Why not take up beekeeping, like some other clergymen?" Gelius: "Well, they're interested in honey, Bishop. I'm interested in honeys." Bishop: "Your words disturb me, Einar. All women are equal in the eyes of God. He made them all." Gelius: "Yes, Bishop, I know they're equal. That's why, while serving as judge, I plan to gaze at them equally. I will give them equal attention and, of course, equal love." Bishop: "No, Einar, I can't permit you to do this. You are a representative of the church and ..." Gelius: "I will represent the church well, Bishop. I will maintain honor and dignity and, of course, a broad smile."
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Thou shalt not judge beauty contests