Say 'cheese' and bend your knees
by Melvin Durai, 2005-09-18


Other columns by Melvin Durai

Granted, the ceremony itself is supposed to be fairly solemn, but you'd expect to see plenty of laughter and merriment afterward, at least when the priest isn't around. Instead, the groom looks like he just ate a worm, while the bride looks like she just married one.

Of course, it's possible that the photographer did a poor job of capturing everyone's happiness. Perhaps the bride's dad went cheap and hired someone from the driver's license center. Not only did he shine a light directly into everyone's eyes, the numbskull forgot to tell them to say "cheese."

Pictures from western weddings look remarkably different. Everyone is smiling broadly, especially if it's a special wedding, the kind with an open bar. The groom has such a wide grin, you can count all the cavities. And the bride can't help showing her freshly whitened teeth -- she even smiles when the bartender calls it a night.

There are cultural differences at play, of course, but I've found that it's always wise to smile in photos, especially if you're dark-skinned like me. You can always spot me in a group photo -- I'm the set of teeth in the back row.

Even when I'm posing for an official photograph, such as for a passport or driver's license, I try my best to smile. Who knows, the smile might be the only thing that keeps the authorities from pegging me as a terrorist.

FBI agent: "He's dark-skinned and he has a beard. He might be a terrorist."

Second agent: "But he's got such a wide smile. An arresting smile."

First agent: "Yeah, that's what I was thinking. We'd better arrest him fast. If he's smiling so much, he must be up to something."

If a smile in a photograph can seem suspicious, so can a smile on the street. In some countries, smiling at strangers is considered odd, even impolite. As one Russian said, "If a man is smiling at everyone on the street, he is either deeply in love or deeply intoxicated. Or he is an American."

Of course, smiling isn't the only sign of friendliness. In Zambia, where I grew up, people don't smile as much as Americans do, but they'll greet you with an elaborate handshake that often involves handclapping and curtsying, making you wonder if they think you're royalty, perhaps a Nepalese prince or at least a relative of Queen Latifah.

If your car breaks down, there's no shortage of people willing to push it all the way down the street. Just try it sometime -- it's a great way to save on gas.

People have different ways of being friendly to strangers. I always welcome a smile, but when it comes right down to it, I'm far more appreciative of the guy who looks stern, but offers my wife his seat on the bus, than the guy who shows all his teeth, but can't show any courtesy.

Melvin Durai is a U.S.-based, India-born writer and humorist whose weekly humor columns entertain thousands of people in more than 90 countries.

Other columns by Melvin Durai

Wait! After you are done, don't forget to check out Jokes2Go today's new humor issues: Today's jokes    Today's stories Today's poems   Today's quotes