Dear Pope:
First let me congratulate you on an impressive
election victory. You really trounced your opponents,
especially those non-European cardinals who actually thought
they had a chance. You need to tell them to go easy on the
grape juice. Anyway, it's good to see democracy working so
well within the church. If only more countries would learn
from the Vatican and follow its democratic ideal of "one
man, one vote, let the women sit and watch." I'm glad you
believe that only men should be priests, bishops and
cardinals. We already let women attend church and take
communion -- must we let them wear the gowns too? Women
today are already doing everything men do: they're doctors,
lawyers, accountants, and engineers. Some jobs ought to be
reserved for men. Even my wife says that, right before
asking me to take out the trash.
Prayerfully yours,
David C.
Dear Pope:
I am really struggling with the abortion issue.
While I've always believed, like you do, that abortion is
wrong, a Jewish friend of mine has made me reconsider my
position, insisting that the world would be a better place
if Hitler's mother had chosen abortion. Such a choice may
even be considered "pro-life." Of course, you may ask how
Hitler's mother could have possibly known that her son would
turn into such a monster. But I'm sure she could have found
out, I'm sure she could have consulted a good psychic. Don't
you agree?
Respectfully yours,
Rhonda B.
Dear Pope:
I am a churchgoing man, very faithful to Catholic
principles. I just wanted to know if you think the church
will ever change its stance on same-sex marriage. In case
you are wondering, I am heterosexual man. But it just so
happens that my partner is not. He wants to get married in
church, but that raises a problem: Which one of us should
wear the dress? I think he should, because I'm the one who's
heterosexual. Don't you think that's reasonable?
Heterosexually yours,
Kenneth D.
Dear Pope:
My wife and I are both devout Catholics, but
disagree on one important issue. She feels that the Vatican
is too old-fashioned and impractical in its opposition to
contraceptives, but I tend to agree with your position --
and so do our 14 children. We've been trying the natural
method of birth control and it's quite effective, giving my
wife a few days off between pregnancies. But nowadays, she
often locks me out of the bedroom, telling our children that
this is a critical part of the natural method. My question
to you is this: Can a locked door be considered a
contraceptive? If so, shouldn't the church ban locked doors?
Desperately yours,
Manuel S.
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