Made in China and full of patriotism
by Melvin Durai, 2005-02-15


Other columns by Melvin Durai

Instead of being in such a hurry to clean up the mess, he should have put a big sign in front of it: "Made in America." And displayed a few American flags. People would have been so proud.

Of course, the excitement would have lasted only a few minutes -- until a man from China called to say, "Our kids can make it faster and cheaper. Only one cent per mess."

Then, being a true spoilsport, he would add, "Look at the deal we gave you on those flags."

Yes, amazing as it may seem, even the Stars and Stripes are flying out of Chinese factories. As reported by the Christian Science Monitor, about 20 percent of U.S. flags are imported from China. Just picture the flag in all its glory: Thirteen stripes, 50 stars, and a tiny "Made in China" label. Brings tears to your eyes, doesn't it?

But don't get too emotional. America isn't the only country having its national symbols shipped from China. The Canadian government recently sent China an order for millions of lapel pins bearing an image of the maple leaf flag. Whenever Prime Minister Paul Martin wears one of those pins, he'll make two countries proud.

Canadian man: "Go Canada! Best country in the world."

Chinese man: "Go China! Best sweatshops in the world."

It's apparently a tradition for Canadian officials and members of parliament to hand out the pins as gifts, according to a Reuters article. The pins were made for 35 years in a Canadian factory, but -- big surprise -- China can make it cheaper. And the Chinese workers have agreed not to goof off, not to take a break every 28 hours.

Worker: "Ouch! I just pricked my finger on one of those maple leaf pins."

Boss: "Keep on working. You got nine other fingers."

Worker: "Ouch! I just pricked another finger."

Boss: "Darn it! If you keep doing this, I might have to turn the lights on. Electricity is expensive, you know."

Canadian Transport Minister Jean Lapierre believes that it wouldn't be right to exempt maple leaf pins from international trade. After all, Canada owes a lot to international trade. That's how it managed to get rid of -- I mean, export -- Celine Dion.

But opposition lawmaker Charlie Angus disagrees with Lapierre. "We're outsourcing the fundamental symbol of what Canada is to a foreign country. I think that's a scandal," he told Reuters. If he and other Canadians seem upset, imagine how they'll feel when the Chinese get their hands on something really sacred, such as hockey sticks. That could set off World War III.

But it seems a lost cause, trying to keep China from making everything. Perhaps that's why few Americans have raised a stink about imported flags, even when the flags have shown up with 53 stars. Some see them as collector's items; others realize it's only a matter of time before Puerto Rico, Afghanistan and Iraq join the union.

Melvin Durai is a U.S.-based, India-born writer and humorist whose weekly humor columns entertain thousands of people in more than 90 countries.

Other columns by Melvin Durai

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