Staying on message at the debate
by Melvin Durai, 2004-10-02

http://MelvinDurai.com
Other columns by Melvin Durai

Moderator: "Welcome to the presidential debate. My name is Jim Lehrer. The first question is for you, Senator Kerry: Do you believe you could do a better job than President Bush in fighting terrorism?"

Kerry: "Yes, I do, Jim. I believe in being strong and resolute and determined. And I will hunt down and kill the terrorists, wherever they are. I will spend my first term in office, all four years, traveling around the globe to hunt and kill terrorists. I will eliminate them personally. You may have heard that I fought in Vietnam. Well, I'm prepared to fight again."

Bush: "I don't see how he's going to do that when he voted to authorize the war in Iraq and now says it's the wrong war, wrong time, wrong place. What message does that send to our troops? What message does that send to our allies? What message does that send to our ... uh ... what was the question again, Jim?"

Moderator: "I asked Senator Kerry if he could do a better job fighting terrorism than you. You're supposed to rebut his answer."

Bush: "Well, let me just say this: my opponent voted to authorize the war in Iraq and now says it's the wrong war, wrong time, wrong place. I never dreamt I'd be sending troops to Iraq. But the enemy attacked us."

Kerry: "The president just said something extraordinarily revealing and frankly very important in this debate."

Bush: "I did? Sorry, I didn't mean to."

Kerry: "Yes, Mr. President, you said, 'The enemy attacked us.' Well, no offense, Mr. President, but you wouldn't know an enemy from an enema. Saddam Hussein didn't attack us. Osama bin Laden attacked us. Al-Qaeda attacked us. And as president, I will hunt them down and kill them."

Bush: "Of course I know that ... uh ... the other guy attacked us. But Saddam had the capability. He had planes. He had pilots. He had directions to New York City."

Moderator: "The next question is for Ralph Nader. Wait a minute ... where is he?"

Kerry: "Uh ... he wasn't invited, Jim. The president and I decided that having too many voices, too many ideas, might be a hindrance to American democracy."

Bush: "Here's the real hindrance to our democracy: My opponent voted to authorize the war in Iraq and now says it's the wrong war, wrong time, wrong place. America needs a commander-in-chief with a consistent message and, as you can see, mine is consistently consistent."

Moderator: "Senator Kerry, how will you deal with the situation in Iraq?"

Kerry: "Jim, I have a plan, a real plan. I will have a summit with our allies. I will bring them all to the table, the French, the Germans, the Russians. And I will look into their eyes and say, 'My friends, it's time to bring American troops home. Does anyone here want to take Iraq off our hands?'"

Bush: "I don't know how he's going to have a summit when he voted to authorize the war in Iraq and now says it's the wrong war, wrong time, wrong place. He's sending a mixed message, which is the wrong message, if you ask me. America needs a president who doesn't easily change his mind, a leader who has the courage and the strength to say the same thing over and over again. Americans have a clear choice in this election: If you want four years of mixed messages, vote for John Kerry. If you want the same thing over and over again, vote for me."

Melvin Durai is a U.S.-based, India-born writer and humorist whose weekly humor columns entertain thousands of people in more than 90 countries.

http://MelvinDurai.com

Other columns by Melvin Durai

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