A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and
while he's drinking it the monkey is running wild. The monkey jumps up
on the pool table and grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and
swallows it whole.
The bartender is livid and says to the guy, "Did you see what your
monkey just did?"
"No. What did that stupid shit do this time?" says the patron.
"Well, he just swallowed the cue ball off the pool table, whole" says
"Yeah, well I hope it kills the fucker because he's been driving me
nuts" says the patron.
The guy finishes his drink and leaves.
Two weeks later he comes back with the monkey. He orders a drink and
the monkey starts running wild around the bar again. While the man is
drinking his drink, the monkey finds some peanuts on the bar. He grabs
one, sticks it up his ass, then pulls it out and eats it. The
bartender is disgusted.
"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"What now?" responds the patron. "Well, he stuck a peanut up his ass,
then pulled it out and ate it" says the bartender.
"Well, what do you expect?" replied the patron. "Ever since he ate
that damn cue ball he measures everything first!!!"